One of the most fundamental aspect of any growth or spiritual path is the trust in one’s own perception. There is no question it is an incomplete perception; so long as you have a body, you will not see even a minuscule fraction of the totality of the universe, or that of your Self. But it is still your perception. It is your link to your soul. It is the basis for all growth, for if you rely on someone else’s eyes and intuition, you are not living your own life, discovering your own Truth, but are being a guinea pig for other’s experiments with Truth. As J. Krishnamurti said,

“All authority of any kind, especially in the field of thought and understanding, is the most destructive, evil thing. Leaders destroy the followers and followers destroy the leaders. You have to be your own teacher and your own disciple. You have to question everything that man has accepted as valuable, as necessary.”

Living and speaking from your own perception can be very challenging. At the same time, it is also compassionate. A compassionate person can be counted on to tell you the truth about you in any situation, yet never will force it on you. Being someone who speaks their perceptions fully can cause worldly problems if used indiscriminately, but within the context of close relationships generates trust and love. When someone is being exactly who they are, Love exists. Love is. Living and speaking your perceptions is another way of being who you are. Being who you are brings awareness to the Truth that you are nothing but Love.

Unfortunately, even in progressive groups, there can easily be an environment where only ‘positive perceptions’ are shared. This can be a definite improvement over a environment of venting and flaming at each other, but it still is not the full truth of who we are. Paradoxically, if everyone is restricted in what they can say, then over time people don’t feel supported and safety issues can come up strongly. When it’s considered not compassionate to speak true perceptions then a very strange dynamic occurs and dysfunction starts. Compassion will always start from truth.

However, simply announcing this intention this does not mean it will happen. If there is no openness to intimacy, then bare honesty may provoke strong defenses; awareness of this is compassionate in itself. It is good to ask what is necessary to create relationships, an environment, or even a deeper level of community (see previous post) where true perceptions can be displayed openly. I call this ‘Higher Communication’. This is where the interrelationships are about sharing who you are, completely and in complete wholeness. I hope insight into these helps bring true communication in this holiday season. Each of these are needed by all parties involved in the interaction:

  1. Self awareness: Being conscious enough to know feelings and dynamics as they are happening.
  2. Expressive ability: Enough interconnection exists between the emotional and intellectual centers of the body that all of the issues involved can be communicated in words or via other forms of expression.
  3. Translation ability. This is an added level of expressive ability. As we know from NLP and other systems, people interpret and communicate their world in different ways. The ability to bridge communication distances by flexibility of words or modalities helps greatly when connecting.
  4. A dynamic of equality, where there are no power plays going on. Social positions and roles are dropped. Within a dynamic of power plays, there is a struggle to hold to a position of power, which I call a “magnetic center” and deep communication usually gets blocked in this struggle.
  5. Trust. This is an extension of equality; the relationship has developed to the point that it is unquestionably known that everyone’s wellbeing is linked. You are on the same side. Your happiness is quite literally their happiness. Any power dynamic immediately removes this.
  6. Fears have been calmed. If someone is arrogant â???? which is the same thing as being influenced by a great fear of vulnerability â???? then the openness of intimacy tends to be blocked whenever the fear has not been calmed. Similarly, someone with a fear of change (e.g., stubbornness), will also tend to stonewall if they feel pressured rather than head towards true communication. Other fears act similarly. Note that all fears are nothing more than blocks in perception. And because communication is an extension of perception, fears block communication and communion.

Note that fears do not need to disappear. They simply need to be calmed. And more often than not, a gentle listening to is all that fears need in order to be calmed.

  1. Love of Self. Without a connection to an unconditional acceptance of the larger Self, which connects us to All That Is, there will be limitations on the interplay between people. You cannot communicate intricacies about something you have contempt for â???? you can only denigrate it, which is to say offer reasons for not looking at it. With Love of Self, all communication is tinged with it, and the depth of interaction increases exponentially. It is said that Buddha’s smile conveyed such detail about the nature of the universe that this was enough for some monks to reach higher understanding.

When any of these are not present â???? or when there is simply no listening – then of course it’s wise to let it be and not push for deeper communication. Respect for other’s choices is in itself compassionate. Love simply allows what is, and a true compassionate acceptance of blocks without resentment opens many doors in and of itself.

 

Intimacy

Rules in any group or community, such as “before judging, get it from the horses mouth” that do not incorporate an understanding of the processes above can easily be used as a subtle way of saying “do not trust your own perception”. When there is a denial of perception going on, such as those of any blocks listed above, this is a subtle form of mindfuck. I do not use that term lightly. ‘Mindfuck’ I would define as actions taken to cause distrust of one’s own perceptions, intuitive knowingness, and connection to Self. This is our most valued treasure â???? our selves. This is why trusting one’s own perception is fundamental; without this, we disown our Self.

Any time you may hear a response like “don’t trust your perception, ask me” then power plays and fears are in operation. There are no exceptions to this, and it is applicable to everyone, no matter how ‘wise’. Everyone’s perceptions are inclusive and build on each other’s; we only know a small part of ourselves, and others’ perceptions add greatly to our own. This is not saying asking others for verification isn’t a good thing; it is very important to get feedback to tune perceptions or reevaluate them. This is the benefit of positive doubt; if there is a blind trust of one’s own intuition, then this can be used to wall one’s self in an ivory tower. You can trust your own perceptions while having a vast space open to expand them through others’. With Higher Communication, there is no conflict; we are always enriched by the sharing of our selves with each other. Within higher communication, other’s perception is literally your own. True intimacy appears (see previous post). Oneness is experienced.

Again, trusting your own perception is an absolutely fundamental cornerstone of all growth. You start from where you are now.