Loving Awareness

Status: The measure of value we present

Posted by matthew on November 11, 2010  |  1544 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2010%2F11%2F11%2Fstatus-the-measure-of-value-we-present%2FStatus%3A+The+measure+of+value+we+present2010-11-12+00%3A48%3A44matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F%3Fp%3D154

One of my loves is the theatre.? I’ve studied acting, clowning, and improvisation, and I’ve performed onstage for years, everything from bedroom farce to Dracula to Shakespeare.? I love it because it brings me to a heightened state of aliveness.

My love of acting has little to do with the adulation that comes from the applause for a good performance, but it has everything to do with acting’s relationship to an inner exploration.? In acting, you explore your very identity.? You explore creation.? You explore going within yourself in order to be someone else.? You find other beings and energy inside yourself. By doing this, you expand yourself – and expand everyone else who watches.

All of the other actors I know who value this aspect of acting as I do are also very spiritual people.? We may not write inspiring prose and we may not belong to any congregation, but we see a temple in the exultation of unhibited emotion.? Having surrendered within to our many selves, we’ve received a firsthand glimpse into the oneness that we all share.? And through all this, we’ve learned incredible amounts? about ourselves through the intricate tapestry of our most visible measure of ourselves: relationships.

It would be too much in this one post to recount the many lessons in the playfulness that is theatre, so for now I’ll focus on one critical element any actor learns quickly: status.

Status as a Flow of Energy in Interactions

It may be unfashionable to mention status in the politically-correct culture of the “land of the free”, but we are all influenced by it on some level.? We know when we are speaking to an “important” person.? We are affected by this knowledge.? The energetically sensitive feel how energy naturally flows to the “higher status” person.? There’s always a reaction to this.? Sometimes the effect is on our emotional reaction, from admiration to resentment.? Sometimes the effect automatically creates a dynamic in the relationship: subservience or combativeness.? Not everyone reacts the same way, but everyone feels it.? We react to it even more because we’re not supposed to notice it.

Education, on the level of status, has made us blind.? We’re supposed to believe that the homeless person living in a cardboard box is a human being with the same value and perfection we have, but I have yet to see someone interact with a homeless person on that level.? In my experience there’s disgust, aversion, or pity – all signs of the perception of status and the flow of energy from it.

In this competitive world, the cultural model is built around status.? It governs the intrinsic framework of relationships.

Most of us notice status but don’t think of it consciously.? We want to “succeed” but in order to do so we must go up a rung on the status ladder.? Being “successful”.? Owning a house, or a nice car.? Being respected by others.? Showing mastery in something and being able to come across well at social events.? Academic success.? Even spiritual mastery is subject to the concept of status — the idea of “ascension”, or “old” souls being somehow better, are perfect examples.? Being accepted as “enlightened” is very high status.? But we don’t think of what status truly is, and especially not what the ultimate expression of status is.

Exploring Status Yourself

One exercise in theatre is to “play” status.? Everyone is awarded a different number between 1 and 10, with 10 being the highest status.?? I invite you to play this at a party; it’s great fun and a wonderful tool for growth.

Number one, the lowest status, takes as little space as possible.? Shame is the sea in which this status swims.? It’s as if you were homeless and were just waiting to be rounded up.? You make little eye contact. Your motions are hesitant. You are beaten before you even begin.

As the status scale increases, there’s increasingly less shame and an increasingly strong, proud, engaging bearing.? Yet while going up the scale, you’re always in a state of comparison.? You notice your relationships with others: who is lower status and who is higher?? You need to please the ones with higher status.? You give in and give them energy.? Life force flows to them, leaving the lower status empty. At the same time, you must protect your place from those “lower” than you are and maybe even get some energy from them. Yet you remain ever vigilant against them, happy when they appear to be in their “place.”

As an aside, it is for this reason that it’s no accident that it’s those on the lower status of society that are most angry towards illegal immigrants.

What is interesting in this game, and is the reason I’m mentioning this here, is what happens at the top of the spectrum. These are the people with ultra-high status.? If you’re close to the top, you know you’re above most of the world, but there’s still insecurity and full of comparison.? There is still someone above you, somewhere, somehow. You are still comparing. In our society, this might be the ultra rich — they know they have status, but they are still in competition and are looking for some way they can finally feel above it all.

At the very top, however, is a paradox: the ultimate status is with those who move beyond it. ? To these people there is no such thing as status.? The person with the “highest” status is unconcerned with games of comparison or worthiness.? They know their value.? They see their importance.? It is indisputable.? There is no question and no game.? They can be who they are without any reluctance, guile, or mask.? They can relate to others as they are. They can be in torment and doubt, and yet still be they are, without shame, and know it has absolute value. ?It is as if they were born into unspoilt royalty.? Life is full of bounty and beauty, and there is no question that the universe finds them full of value and their desires welcome.? This is true status.

Why do I mention this?? Because it is inextricably linked with the western spiritual quest.? There are thousands upon thousands of blogs on personal growth and advice giving.? In my experience, very few of them give from a sense of complete fullness.? Instead, there is a desire to feel good from having others appreciate the inspiration and insight.? (One of the reasons I stopped writing for a time was because this impulse was very strong within me.)? This is status: the more others appreciate you and give you applause and energy, the higher your status.

And yet, part of this is the problem of Arrogance: when you gain energy from putting forth something that is not fully who you are, not from true vulnerability, then you keep yourself from the highest levels of status and worth.?? By trying to raise your status out of lack, you entrench yourself as “lower status”.

The idea of the ‘evolved person’, the manifested man, the enlightened one, is also intrinsic to the highest status.? The manifested person is at the highest status, wherever he is.? He could be among nobles or beggars — it doesn’t matter.

My ‘ideal’ of how to live within status is the ideal of living in the highest status and treating every other thing in the Universe as also in that status.

Imagine this for yourself.? You are at the highest status.? Everything supports you and naturally gives you energy without depleting itself.? The universe responds naturally to you.? And yet you interact with everything as equals.? You see the smallest blade of grass as also of the highest status.? There is nothing to defend against, no lack, and even no status.? There is only plenty.

In short, the ideal is to live in beingness — fully vulnerable as who you are. This is the ultimate expression of status.? Think of Siddhartha by the river in his old age. He shows his perfection as he is whether he is surrounded by adulants or insects.? It is an expression of completeness.

Many people on a western spiritual path use the greeting ‘namaste’ without really considering what it means, but it is another way to express this ideal. Your highest nature welcomes and greets the highest nature of that which is around you. You welcome and embrace all that you are, and you treat every other thing in the Universe as reverentially as your own highest nature.

So I say to you all:???????? Namaste

I now ask you: from your own deep honesty and vulnerability, what is the truth of how you view your status in relationship with the world?

The Most Important Being in Existence

Posted by matthew on March 5, 2009  |  87No Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2009%2F03%2F05%2Fthe-most-important-being-in-existance%2FThe+Most+Important+Being+in+Existence2009-03-06+04%3A47%3A59matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2009%2F02%2F21%2Fthe-most-important-being-in-existance%2F

It’s been a long, long time since I wrote anything here. Quick update: yes, this illness is still going on and there are many times I can’t write, and some times I find it hard to speak. It’s also intensifying the inner journey and transformation. So it’s not a bad thing.

Here’s another confession I have: I dislike affirmations. Like the following:

I am important. I am the Most Important Being in Existence.

This is so because of the oneness of All That Is.

What’s there to disagree with? It goes to the heart of what humility is, what false humility is, and addresses that the perception of separation is what creates problems in the first place. It’s not about arrogance, but about letting go.

The problem is that it’s nice in theory, but the execution of getting to truly know this has its own problems.

My first taste of affirmation was as a teen. I was in a fairly screwed up family dynamic: the pushy, British stiff upper lip Borderline Personality Disorder mother (not to use labels or anything!) and being expressive, I showed my pain. This was uncomfortable for those around me, so I was sent off to healers who of course focused entirely on me. One of them, a rebirthing therapist, actually helped by doing rebirthing (conscious, connected breathing) gave me an experience of what it was like to feel intensely without too many labels. Yet another thing she did was to send me home to do affirmations. 30 of each one, handwritten on paper.

Lines.

All of them were positive, like above. All of them sounded good. Yet they also felt like punishment. Like what teachers made you do when you did something wrong.

That’s just how it was introduced to me, of course. But it’s also the essence of what an affirmation is.? It is the intellect telling the heart and body to learn something. “Hey, you! There are problems here! Learn this so the problems can go away.”

But how do you learn about the oneness of the universe and the importance of Who You Are, if you treat parts of yourself as separate from others? By shouting a command from my mind, I was treating my heart as subordinate, as the one making mistakes. And of course my heart retreated. Nothing likes to be given orders like a punished child.

There are, of course, ways to talk to the heart. And to the body. Ways in which speaking and listening become the same thing. Talk without words. Desires without expectations. Paulo Coelho calls it “The Language of the World”, the universal language. It’s the same language that enabled Siddhartha in Herman Hesse’s book to understand the universe from the sound of a river, by understanding it through this language.It’s the language of the trees in the wind when your mind stops and just observes and feels. When the mind feels and the heart thinks, and you are completely present in your body. It’s the language of Being.

So now, when I tell myself “I am important” the sense of the affirmation above, I deeply listen to the reaction of my heart. I’m not telling myself to do anything. I know I’m not mistaken or wrote in the perceiving that I’m unimportant, or even the times that it seems like this statement is a complete falsehood. I am opening myself up to Truth, which means opening myself up to my heart as well as all the reactions that come. It’s the big-T “Truth” that encompasses all the little truths, such that my heart feels pain when I really let in that possibility.

So now a conversation with my heart may look like this:

I am important. I am the Most Important Being in Existence.

Are you sure?

No. But I know it’s Truth, and I want to live it.

I know it is too, but I’m here to make sure you know it.

Is that what all this confusion and pain and believing the opposite is about?

Sure. You have to what’s not the truth before you can see the truth for yourself. For ourselves.

Even in this conversation, it is implied that my heart is something separate from who I am, and that’s obviously not the case. But that’s part of the journey of life here: we experience something as separate so that our mind can grasp just a little part of what the universe is.

It’s not equipped to see too much. But this helps us look at the little truths with more passion. The truth of the dandelion swaying in the wind. The truth of childlike wonder in running through a summer’s sprinkler and pointing it toward others in play. The truth of our own hearts. The Language of the World.

That sort of exchange is more of an affirmation of life than any exercise from an external source can be.

The bottom line is no one can truly know their importance, in an ultimate sense, until they also know that they are the universe. That is the nature of Being.

Balancing the centers of your body, part 1

Posted by matthew on April 27, 2008  |  824 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2008%2F04%2F27%2Fbalancing-the-centers-of-your-body-part-1%2FBalancing+the+centers+of+your+body%2C+part+12008-04-28+01%3A51%3A15matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2008%2F04%2F27%2Fbalancing-the-centers-of-your-body-part-1%2F

Centers and Balancing Them

Centers are a concept that is intuitively known to everyone, though not necessarily by that name. We know almost immediately when interacting with someone: Is this person a “head” person? Or are they a “heart” person? Or a “body-centric” person. This is the same as being Intellectually Centered, Emotionally centered, or Moving centered, respectively.

Expanding this, centers essentially little energetic ‘computers’ in which the experiences we live are filtered, processed, and delivered to our consciousness. There are 7 centers in all, although there are mainly three most people consciously interact with on a regular basis. These three are essentially summed up as “heart, mind, and body”. In the Michael system, these correspond to the emotional, intellectual, and moving centers. The Gurdjieff system - and many other systems, such as NLP – also have analogous concepts.

This article will mostly deal with these 3 most commonly used centers and partly with the Instinctive center. The instinctive center, loosely speaking, is the center that supports all the other centers by keeping the body alive via instinct and keeping records of experiences. The remaining 3 centers â???? Higher Intellectual, Higher Emotional, and Higher Moving centers â???? are explained elsewhere. However, balancing the 3 ‘lower’ centers is an effective tool to enable you to access the higher centers.

One interpretation of why they are called ‘centers’ is that we tend to ‘center’ our consciousness in one of them. Thus an ‘intellectually centered person’ will interpret all experiences through this perceptual lens. Emotions could be categorized, labeled, psychoanalyzed, and even considered ‘not valid’ unless the reasons for them are understood. A moving-centered person would listen to what the body says, store information in the body, and listen to the intuitive wisdom of the body more than others.

The concept of centering applies both to the individual as well as to a family, a group, a community, a nation, or a world. The western world is very much intellectually centered, though there are pockets which have other centering. In general, the order of preference of the 3 main centers are:

1. Intellectual center: Almost all high paying corporate jobs are primarily based here.
2. Moving center: Some athletes are rewarded, and this center is needed to ‘get things done’.
3. Emotional center: Emotions are recognized, but are often seen as something to ‘deal with’ rather than use with intelligence, as a form of perception or to enrich one’s life.

Centers are related to chakras, but are not identical. Chakras are gateways of energy, allowing energetic movement and interaction between the “outside world” and your own experience. A chakra is not where you process this energy, but is the conduit of that energy from within to without and back. There is thus a high level of interaction between centers and their appropriate chakra.

Imbalance in Centers

As mentioned, most people have a ‘favorite center’. This is usually where they spend the greatest amount of time â???? perhaps all of their time – operating from. There is nothing wrong with this, as no center is in any way ‘better’ than any other. Each center has its own unique strengths. At the same time, when one center is relied on to solve everything â???? including areas which are not its specialty â???? imbalances occur. This might be equivalent to using a screwdriver when a wrench is the easiest tool. A common scenario might be an intellectually centered person in a relationship fight who insists on being ‘rational’ while denying all emotions, intuitions, and warmth at that moment.

These imbalances affect health in the body as well. When there is imbalance or blockage, the flow of energy meridians in the body will be affected. There may be a concentration of energy in one area, leading to problems in that area or surrounding ones. Much of Traditional Chinese Medicine and acupuncture comes from thousands of years of observing the flow of chi, or energy, in the body, and noting where the most natural flow is in the body. When energy gets re-routed in areas the body was not designed to handle it, over time illness can occur. This is analogous to what an imbalance of centers is.

Beyond health issues, being imbalanced â???? and this is the most important aspect – will restrict the perception of what choices are available. If you are imbalanced towards one center, you will only see possibilities based in that center, even if they are inappropriate ones. The imbalance creates a buildup of energy that can fixate into patterns of behavior that may not always be appropriate. Thus in the example of the person insisting on being ‘rational’ above, there is usually no awareness that there is another way to be. The consciousness is seated entirely in one center and has no easy routes to other centers, and so only sees the options from that place.

When it comes to centers, the whole is more than the sum of its parts. This means that if you have all of intellectual intelligence, emotional intelligence, and body/world intelligence, you will be a much more powerful force to the world than three people manifesting each of these. Adding the awareness of the other 4 centers is more powerful still. Balancing the centers enables a much more regular and clear access to the higher centers, which are the source of epiphanies and ecstatic religious experiences.

Connections between Centers

The centers communicate amongst themselves. Because each center has their own intelligence, each benefit from the very different intelligence of the others. When used in co-ordination, there is immense power and wisdom that can be tapped by person. The emotions may inform the brain of their own wisdom, which then makes a more wider scope decision than it could have otherwise if it denied any emotional factors.

Most people have only certain pathways in the connections between centers open to them. To give an example, one person may be intellectually centered and base his consciousness there. He may not be open mentally to listening emotional sensitivities, and thus it is generally only the intellect that affects emotions, and not vice versa. There may be a good two-way connection between the body and the brain (but not the body and emotions). There may also be a strong emotional memory of certain pain in the past from the instinctive center, but thoughts of these events are unwanted and blocked. This may result in a connection flow such as this:

This is of course a simplified diagram of the connection in this example (your habitual connections may differ), but it is helpful to illustrate that connections exist and can be blocked.

The goal of balancing the centers, or being a balanced human being, is to ensure there is a good two-way connection between all the centers in the body. Each center listens and speaks to every other center, and each center performs its natural function while allowing others to perform in their own strengths. There is a perfect complimentary nature to all the centers, each helping the others in its own way. The idea of a ‘balanced man’ in Gurdjieff is based on this.

Parts of Centers

Nothing is an island in itself, and this includes centers as well. There are thoughts that have much emotional energy, and emotions that are close to being a thought. In this framework, this is because each center can be thought of as being itself a spectrum of all the centers, or a spectrum of 7 parts. (Again, we will focus only on the 3 “lower” centers here) Thus within the moving center, there exists a spectrum that covers the energy of all the centers in your body, but with a moving-centered foundation laid under it. So the emotional part of the moving center would deal with body-centered states and motions that have a definite emotional expression or focus.

The Michael Channel Shepherd Hoodwin has written the following about centers, introducing the part of a center:

Every center has seven parts of centers, which is a sort of doorway into the other centers. The parts of centers have the same names as the centers themselves. So there is an intellectual center, and an intellectual part of every center. Also, your part of center is like your secondary centering.

The part of a center is both within the original center as well as part of a connection with the matching center. Thus, as shown in the diagram, the Intellectual part of the Moving Center naturally connects with the Moving Part of the Intellectual Center.

If you could imagine each of the centers in the body, the various parts, and the interconnecting energies, you would get a picture of immeasurable beauty, a complete system that is in effect a miniature reproduction of the energies of the 7 planes of existence. When someone has all the centers connected to each other, there tends to be a great feeling of peaceful completeness. All is well.

Each part of each center has their function. Here is a table of some manifestations of the parts of the 3 more common centers a person might have. It is by no means a comprehensive list.

When centers are discovered in someone or are channeled about them, what is usually given is the main center and the part of that center that is usually inhabited. In the example above, one’s consciousness can be fixated in the moving part of the emotional center. This is still the intellectual center, but is an aspect of thought that is focused on getting things done: thoughts about action.

The part becomes the trap

Returning to the connections between the centers, as mentioned earlier, most people have only a smaller number of connections active. When someone’s awareness is based in the Intellectual part of the Moving Center, this does not necessarily mean their connection to the Intellectual Center is well established. Often this connection is blocked to some degree, which means that there is some blocked energy, and the ‘part’ becomes the ‘trap’. It is a ‘trap’ because the majority of a person’s focus is spend locked in that part of the center, with significant inflexibility in accessing the wisdom of other centers.

For an example, say you were trapped in the Moving part of Intellectual center. In this trap, the energy that comes from a thought about putting something in the world would not move into action, nor come out as emotions that might inspire you further. You might think over and over thoughts about a plan of action, potential problems, analysis of other people involved and so on, but not do anything towards the plan. The impulse stays in the intellectual center, without using the balancing and completing energy of the moving and emotional centers. The trap tends to be a downward spiral, no matter what center it is based in. In this case, there might be a recognition of procrastination going on, in which case even more thoughts about doing something about it would form. Rather than solve the blockage in flow between the centers, this places even more energy in the already over-utilized centers. Those in a trap will have thoughts that things aren’t working because they’re not trying hard enough. There is thus more energy spend in doing the same thing with the same method, thinking things will be different.

Another example might be being trapped in the Moving part of Emotional center. This trap could appear in a number of ways, from always having a “jittery” feeling, to being very reactive to emotional events. In essence, there is an immediate emotional reaction to events, and then there is a reaction in the body (inwardly or outwardly) that keeps one in an emotional state. Any action that appears tends to be a frustrative reaction rather than a productive choice, and will have a strong emotional flavor. The full power of the Moving center has not been engaged and it is hard to step back and think in a detached manner about choices when a strong emotion is present. The trap is most noticeable when the reactions to emotions perpetually create even more emotions, leading to a life filled with emotional drama.

It is important to see that no trap is “better” than any other. They are all limitations: of perceptions, of resources, of choice. Society might have a preference that says it’s better to be stuck in the intellect, but aside from societal preferences there is no ‘better’ trap. Some will be more internal than external and are not as obvious to others who are not closely connected. The only issue is that of being whole; living more completely in who you are.

This ends Part 1. Part 2 involves techniques for balancing the centers.

? If you like this, read the next in the series!

What is healing, exactly?

Posted by matthew on January 13, 2008  |  6913 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2008%2F01%2F13%2Fwhat-is-healing-exactly%2FWhat+is+healing%2C+exactly%3F2008-01-14+01%3A12%3A43matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2008%2F01%2F13%2Fwhat-is-healing-exactly%2F

Much of my exploration of love and spirituality has come directly from my own healing journey. I, like seemingly everyone, have had wounds from childhood that influence me seemingly all the time. In addition, I’ve had many physical maladies manifesting something going wrong internally. Right now I’m in a state of being unable to work or be active physically, because I get disoriented for hours if I do anything. Including getting groceries and household cleaning. Rather than getting disheartened, I’m using this for the gift that it is to do some inner household cleaning.

To honor this, I thought I’d share some channeling surrounding what healing actually is. Any similarities to actual persons in the examples are 100% not an accident. Nothing is!

On to the channeling…

Questions: What exactly is healing? How does one “do it”? It seems like a lot of times we think of healing as “getting over it”.

When we use the word ‘heal’ or ‘healing’, we are talking about allowing something to revert or assume its natural state. Most of you go through your lives with some part of you either physically or emotionally in a other than natural state. This creates conflicts and imbalances which allow you further opportunity for learning and growth. Healing, then, allows those parts of you to revert to their ‘normal’ state: A state of rest, a state without conflict, a state of peace.

Interconnectedness of being

Posted by matthew on December 7, 2007  |  6015 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F12%2F07%2Finterconnectedness-of-being%2FInterconnectedness+of+being2007-12-08+06%3A08%3A38matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F12%2F07%2Finterconnectedness-of-being%2F

If you look at life like a poet, seeing beauty in the simplest things, you do not need to go anywhere to find beauty. You can see that within manure, a flower is waiting to be born. It is not in the future as an abstract concept; it is there now, in its fullest potential. Within an acorn lying on the forest floor is a magnificent flowering tree. If you listen closely, you can feel the tree whisper to you from inside the acorn, with its majestic tranquility. Within a storm inflicting damage on a community is also the breathtaking beauty of sun squirming its way through the clouds to a new dawn, bringing new energy and a re-creation of what we thought was perfect, but has new perfection to expand upon us.

This potential also works with emotions and relationships. Within a storm of a relationship where there is deep division and conflict, there is also a great empathy waiting to unfold. This is because there can be no compassion without understanding, and to find understanding we must experience. You cannot have empathy for someone’s violence without having experienced the urge to lash out yourself. And it is through empathy, or love, that we transform the world. Peace does not come from imposing rules of peace; it comes from living peace. This applies within relationships and activism equally.

The interconnected nature of the universe applies to me in particular in my own journey. This being is within me:

Feeling the weight of someone’s body on top of me, I shut off. How could this happen? How can I let this happen? I shall never trust the world again. I shall keep kicking until I no longer feel a weight on top of me. I shall never trust myself again. I shall never trust the world again. I hate being a child, for helplessness is the worst of all evils.

This being is also within me:

The child breathes contentedly in utter trust, feeling the warmth and support surrounding me. I am helpless, but within that helplessness comes the ability to invite help. Everything I need is here now. In utter vulnerability, I let the world touch me and the fullness of it brings utter joy. My helplessness is a gateway to feeling the love around me. I trust completely.

The two beings are of course one; they are me. Within the vulnerability of a childlike state is also the ability to be traumatized, and within the ability to be traumatized is the ability to heal, learn empathy, transform the world, and live a life of Love. Nothing needs to be done to ‘transform’ one into the other; they are both inseparable. They are me.

In thinking about healing, we usually focus on the loudest voice. The hurt child screams loudest and we rarely hear anything else, so we think that’s all there is. We lose awareness of the joyful child that is present in the moment and has never left us. And it is awareness that transforms â???? not counseling, medication, or even diving into the pain â???? but simple awareness. It is through awareness that all aspects of ourselves are reconnected and integrated. It is how compassion is learned; seeing how interdependent we are.

Whether within one’s Self, in relationship, or in society, there is a great interdependency. The pain cannot be without the joy and compassion. A pauper cannot exist without the ultra rich. There would be no destruction of the rainforest without all the world participating in its consumer patterns. This is not simply the link of cause and effect; it is a deeper connection on the level of being. You are the environment of the world, you are the disparity of wealth, and you are both the joys and pains that exist in you and without you.? Invite this in; it is the gateway to living a live filled with peace.

Emotions as beauty itself

Posted by matthew on December 2, 2007  |  5915 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F12%2F02%2Femotions-as-beauty-itself%2FEmotions+as+beauty+itself2007-12-03+04%3A41%3A45matthew1561948290

For this post, I’ll include more of my personal journey: that of dealing with emotions. I’ve always been someone who has had had very intense emotions to deal with, especially those related to my past sexual abuse. Because of this, many emotions have come at any and all times, without apparent ‘reason’: at work, in relationships, light social times, and with family. Without any visible reason or sense, at least in the immediate context, it’s easy to hold judgment about strong emotions in our culture. It can appear to make others uncomfortable.

This isn’t particular to sexual abuse; it is quite common to anyone sensitive and emotionally open, dealing with pain in any way. Emotions are emotions. They don’t make sense. If they did, they would be thoughts, not emotions. The heart has reasons the mind knows not of, and never will. Our need to make sense greatly depends on how allowing we are of the emotion. A grand sense of joy flittering like butterflies across our hearts when we see, for example, kittens playing with string for the first time, won’t require much sense. And yet, when it comes to ‘negative emotions’, such as pain, fear, anger, self-hatred, or a mix of them that could be called inner conflict, we often simply don’t allow them to come forward as naturally. We want reasons, explanations, labels, and hopefully a way to protect ourselves against them appearing again. This is the illusion of control reasons give us.

To me, how this manifested was a desire to expunge all the emotions. They obviously caused problems, so it made sense to want to get rid of them. I thought of them as a water well containing nothing but poison stored there from all the past pains in my life. So I tried to ‘get it out’ as much as possible, whether it be via counseling, venting, punching pillows, or even meditation and trying to transform myself in that manner. Eventually, things would be ‘clear’ and I would be more ‘balanced’. Of course, things didn’t work that way, because implicit in all these actions was a fundamental lack of love for those emotions â???? which creates even more negative emotions to vent. The perception that there was something wrong with me created more problems. The never-ending process continued. Thinking there was something wrong with me because I had pain simply created more pain.

A different way of looking at them instead is what was channeled to me recently.

At this time, perhaps you would like to think of your emotions, instead of something you need to get out and express, think of them as art, as a creation that you are constantly perfecting. They’re not finished yet, but you see their beauty in whatever state of creation they are in. You don’t need to share it even, because they are so beautiful. Bring this creation, all the beautiful colors that you know, and all the love you have inside you, for you love this creation. It is the most beautiful creation you have ever made, and you derive great satisfaction from the process of creating it. Take your time. Use visuals if that helps. Look around you. Find elements of what you see that perhaps might be included in this creation of yours. You will know it when you see it – anything that needs to be included. Have fun with this process, for it is yours. It is the first thing that’s truly belonged to you.

This brought up much tears in me, because it went to the heart of who I am: an expressive person with an intense of love of beauty and art. And if I do not see myself as a work of art, then of course there will be a lack of love for Self. Corresponding to this was indeed a visual image of moving and surreal color, much like the movie ‘What Dreams May Come.’ We see art and beauty in Van Gogh, Dali, or other artists who express darkness or ‘craziness’. After all, it’s on the page and there are skills involved. However, there is an implicit dismissal of the skill involved in simply allowing emotions to come to fruition and expressiveness in this society. There is tremendous skill in this. We see this in movies, on the stage, of an actor being very true with emotions, but it is easy to discount this in ourselves. This is not the same as being able to pick the right words and expression of them. It lies simply in being those emotions, in allowing them fully.

As I reach new levels of allowing of my emotions, I’m encountering vastly new perceptions of my life and my past, and even hidden memories. Finally remembering who crawled into my bed at night, the helplessness, shame, impotent kicking, and a split of consciousness that persisted into adulthood. There are, of course, many emotions connected to this journey, much like any prisoner might feel after coming into sunlight after thinking a cell block was home for many years. There is frustration, there is helplessness, and yes, there is self-hatred. I’m finding this isn’t a contradiction in any way to loving myself. It has its own beauty; a disconnected aspect of myself that’s screaming from years of being walled away. There is beauty in goth designs, and there is intense beauty in these emotions as well. They are a valid journey home.

Love, especially for ourselves, isn’t a thing or something to gain, or anything to ingrain into our minds through writing a million affirmations or reading thousands of blogs. It’s a perception – an awareness. Shifting how we look at something, especially ourselves, creates transformations. In fact, every transformation is precisely a change in perception. There is nothing but this, because there is perfection in everything, including intense pain. In the case of emotions, my experiences have created a subtle yet powerful difference in my experience in them. There is wonder in these emotions, simply as an expression of what is. The simply perception of beauty in utter vividness is, in the present moment, more loving than a thousand affirmations.

The Void

Posted by matthew on November 11, 2007  |  537 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F11%2F11%2Fthe-void%2FThe+Void2007-11-12+06%3A39%3A52matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F11%2F11%2Fthe-void%2F

The following is channeled material we recently brought through:

Question: There is a concept across many traditions of inviting or surrending to ‘The Void’. What exactly is ‘The Void’, and what is the process of surrendering? What can be gained by it?

A simple way to describe the Void would be absence of all expectation. In other words, a total acceptance of what is. Not what could be. Not what should be. Not what might be â???? but simply what is. We have noticed that the concept of accepting what is is paradoxically simple, yet inherently complex. It is difficult for the human, caught up as you are in the illusions of life as a human, that is, possessing a body, interacting with others and perceiving things simply on a physical basis, to consistently recognize that there is so much more, and yet at the same time so much less than what it is they perceive. To be completely immersed in the Now, then, requires such a large degree of trust that one has no need to manipulate reality to become anything more than what it is.

The void, then, is again the absence of all expectation and a complete immersion into all that is the present. This ‘all’ must include, of course, all your dreams, desires, pain, love, and humanness. So a complete acceptance of all these things takes place for one to take place in the Now. Simple, yes? Yet when you consider each element, each one seems to bring with it so much more, so many issues, so many requirements of your time and energy and thought, that it seems impossible to divorce yourself from those in order to reside completely in the present. We remind you, then, that there is no need of course to separate yourself from all that you are. There need only be the joyful expansion of your perception to embrace all that you are into this one present moment.

Surrendering, then, to this absence that also includes everything requires, as we said, an enormous degree of trust. You must trust yourself. You must trust your perceptions. You must trust that you are not truly separated from any part of you. And you must trust that this joyful expansion can actually take place. We invite you, then, to dip one toe into the Void this time with us.

Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Place your awareness, if you will, on a spot located on your forehead between and above your eyes, often referred to as ‘the third eye’. To enhance sensitivity you may likely massage this area. While breathing comfortably and deeply, bring your awareness then to this spot. And as you do so, notice how it grows. It grows to encompass all that you are, all that you ever have been, and all that you ever will be. Notice too the sense of love and acceptance that comes simply with this noticing. Embrace all your former selves and all your future ones. Breathe them in and allow them to take stronger presence within your present self body. Trust that all these selves hold for you the information you most need to know right now. You may or may not ever be consciously aware of this information, yet it is yours at this moment. Breathe in again and let out that breathe, letting go of any expectation of what any of these selves bring you. You feel it leaving your body. Place your hands over your heart, and seal in that awareness to hold within you forever.

By regularly exposing yourself to the Void, you increase your conscious awareness of your own trueness and all the potential that lies within you at all times. In other words, by learning to surrender you become a more complete and whole person.

It is often implied that the fear of death is the basis for all fears, and that it is by experiencing a form of death that true transformation can occur. How does the Void relate to this fear of death and the transformation referred to?

The concept of death is indeed a frightening one to most people. We would say that it is no accident that there are parallels between the concepts of death and the Void of which we speak. In each case, that spark within you that is You is always maintained despite outer transformations that are taking place. In the case of what you refer to as death, it is simply the physical body that transforms. Everything else about you â???? your hopes, desires, dreams, and memories â???? are still retained, and always are a part of the You that you are in this life. There is an aspect of death to the transformation that occurs when one surrenders completely to the Void, but again, that inner spark of You-ness is always retained despite external transformation. The transformation that occurs when one surrenders to the void is not one that is necessarily physically apparent. Yet it is one that allows the fullness and completeness of you to emerge as if to play.

It is the fear of transformation itself, then, that is the root of the fears of death and the fear of surrendering to the Void. It is natural to attempt to hold on to what one has been, for that is all one knows. However, if you alter your perception so that you can embrace all that you will be, your fears of transformation, whether from death or from surrender to the Void will be eased.

If you have questions you think would be good to get channeled answers for, please leave a comment!? Thank you!

That childlike state, and Love.

Posted by matthew on November 6, 2007  |  5236 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F11%2F06%2Fthat-childlike-state-and-love%2FThat+childlike+state%2C+and+Love.2007-11-06+07%3A49%3A42matthew754129290

This is also available via podcast.

That childlike state - and Love. [ 8:06 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

There is so much we can learn from children. Most of us are disconnected from that childlike quality inside ourselves, that innocent state of joyful wonder that makes love for children so natural. In fact, we can think that that the only way to experience that state is vicariously through our children. We can restrict our boisterous play to only be in the company of children, and make sure we always make â??˜sense’ in the company of adults.

And yet, much of the education of children is really a movement away from wonderful qualities that would greatly serve society. By the time adulthood is reached, through public schools and the gauntlet of teenagedom, there can easily be layers upon layers of defenses, filters, and preconceptions that prevent the wonder of a child and guileless expression. We are taught a learning of accumulation of facts and how to act in such a way that is â??˜normal’. In spite of the tremendous value we know children have, we are in some way denying that value, by trying to exclusively teach them while not learning from them. We don’t see them as equals, as Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg, author of “Nonviolent communication”, says in his article on raising children compassionately.

Children, in their simple wisdom of being who they are, have tremendous amounts to teach and remind us. How easy it is to break down in tears when a child touches your cheek after noticing some held back sadness. Being silly and unrestrainedly playful around a child is the most natural thing in the world. They remind us what is truly important in life. And what they teach us, via the characteristics they model, can be applied to all of life, not just our interaction with them.

To help see this, I’ve listed a number of characteristics young children have that we could all learn from. It is these characteristics that epitomize Love.

• Vulnerability. This is not only an absolute open sense of trust and visibility of self, but also the rapidity at which the task at hand takes complete focus. It is when a child (or adult) is most like themselves, without any apology or attempt to be anything else. True vulnerability always results in more openness, more allowing, and therefore, more Love. We feel this around children, and it is this sense that we respond to in children. A baby is completely vulnerable, completely open to the manipulations of life force around it, yet at the same time, is completely trusting that this process will result in continued life, growth, and for all intents and purposes, Love.

• Harmony. Children are not separate from their environment, their parents, or even themselves. If their parents are upset, they will feel it too. There is no intellectualizing the experience, no controlling of their actions. They feel the state of their surroundings, which includes themselves, and at the same time naturally move towards a balance. Because of this, problems do not accumulate. If they are upset, they scream. If they are sad, they cry. The next moment is often something completely different, as any parent knows!

• A sense of perpetual wonder. Simply mouthing the phrase ‘it brought me back to being a child again’ conveys this. Life is vivid, full of vibrancy and new discoveries behind every corner. There’s new ways of seeing and interacting with even familiar objects. Children have that sense of wonder because they’re completely present in the moment, immersed in the explosion of colors around them at every moment in humble appreciation.

• Exploration beyond “right” and “wrong”. As my previous post, The Beauty of Gray mentions, we tend to get locked into black and white thinking. Something is either good for us or bad, and all our interactions with it is based on this label we have. Children interact directly. And because of this, they are in a perpetual state of exploration. There is no “wrong” behavior – they see nothing strange about putting corn chips down your pants if the mood suits it. (I have personal experience with this!).

• Leaning through play. This is the utmost extension of the previous point. With nothing ‘wrong’, every action is playful. Silliness makes more sense than seriousness, because it voices the absurdity of trying to control and label all the experiences occurring. And learning occurs very quickly because of the open state of the child.

• Trust. There are no worries in a child’s mind beyond the immediate moment. There is simply a powerful trust that all they need will be there.

All of these states, of course, are as accessible to adults as they are to children. But for the most part, we have been educated away from such means of interacting with each other, and even with children. But this education can be discarded.

The next time you are with a young child, be a young child yourself. Don’t put on a mask of acting child-like, such as faces and ‘goo-goo’ sounds. Play as if nothing mattered. Relate to them from a place of equality, for they are teaching you as much as you are teaching them. Know that their vulnerability is at the same time incredibly fragile and immensely powerful, and that this dichotomy also resides within you.

‘I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, â???’

It is of course very humorous that millions of people have quoted the Bible on becoming like a little child without making any movement whatsoever towards that effect themselves. Being childlike is in essence the same as being full of Love. It is a state of playful unity and harmony to the surroundings, appreciating and welcoming the uniqueness of everyone in the world. It is a state of continual transformation with no end in sight. It is a state both of incredible fragility that comes from vulnerability and of incredible power to affect, like what you see in the eyes of a child.

It is you.

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