“He’s just afraid to commit“
How many times have you heard that kind of proclamation over your lifetime? If you’re like me, you’ve probably heard it hundreds of times, and believed it for at least the first hundred. I’ve also heard much about the “hook up culture” and with so many options, some people never want to have any commitment, such as written in the blog post “This is How We Date Now”.
I’ve committed in a relationship (to monogamy and time) many times, most of the time because it just felt like ‘this is just how it’s done”. This has been labelled the relationship escalator, where you unthinkingly take what you think is the natural next step. I had little idea at the time of what makes a real, supportive, long lasting connection that involved deep intimacy, and so I just followed what I thought was the model that led to it (commitment), at least until I felt something wasn’t working. Then I would often blame myself, thinking I was doing something wrong, trying to behave ‘better’ and trying to work with my emotions and act in a loving manner. Needless to say, that didn’t work, and resentment inevitably built because of all the suppression I ended up doing. (more…)