Loving Awareness

the prison of emotional denial

Posted by matthew on September 23, 2007  |  711 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F09%2F23%2Fthe-prison-of-emotional-denial%2Fthe+prison+of+emotional+denial+2007-09-24+06%3A00%3A45matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F09%2F23%2Fthe-prison-of-emotional-denial%2F

These last two weeks I’ve been witness to a few rather emotional discussions. Which is not at all unusual for me. However, in these weeks I’ve also been seeing how much push there is to suppress emotion in them – even for discussions of an inherently emotional nature. This kind of reaction seems to be pervasive in our culture. As a society, we’re extremely uncomfortable with emotion, and this shows up in a lack of appreciation of simply allowing it. To take an example, say there’s a conflict between two people you know and like. There are no ‘easy’ solutions in such a situation. Both of them usually have valid perspectives, which are linked to their own emotions, who they are, and their own boundaries. It’s easy to get alienated from such situations because there’s no ‘right’ answer, no “good side”, and it’s easy to feel trapped between the opposing forces. Aligning yourself with one side usually generates more problems. Emotions, therefore, are something best to avoid. At least so many thoughts go.

If we look deeply at the mechanism of suppressing emotions, it’s easy to see why. Who we are, which includes emotions, is actually extremely flexible â???? we can do almost anything we want to ourselves. We can develop ourselves to be almost anything desired, but we can also push emotions, memories, and thoughts away from sight and try to squish them into nothingness. Our training in this culture involving doing such things almost from day one. However â???? and this is the root of almost all ‘problems’ â???? we cannot truly disconnect ourselves from ourselves. There is no way to cut off and discard any disliked portion of ourselves. There is truly no escape from who we are. We can try to surgically disconnect a painful emotion, and we get a reasonable facsimile of this disconnection. But it will not be a true disconnect. Any emotion we’ve tried to shove away is always there, waiting to come back, and in fact pulling on us in every moment.

For the visually minded, I liken this process to a great white elastic band. We can stuff part of ourselves in a box, bury it, and walk away, but we’ll have that ‘pull’ from it. It will exert pressure on us in every single moment, bringing attention to it. The farther we push it away, the more pull there will be. This is why the elastic band image helps. This pull isn’t a harsh ‘you must deal with it’ one, but rather a force of nature that simply wants us to be in wholeness, bringing us back to our greater Self. This elastic can be influenced by others, too â???? if someone else walks through the area of the denied connection, what occurs is the elastic force snapping back, similar to a real elastic band. This is another description of what ‘triggering’ is.

Now in almost everyone there is not just one such pocket of emotion buried and abandoned, but multitudes. Each one exerts this pull back. Try to imagine how that would feel with real elastic bands. Because of the constant pull in many conflicting directions, there’s very little freedom to move in any direction. A little movement can be made, but even small can movements pull against hidden emotion which will then pull back, producing an emotional reaction in response. This can generates fear of any emotional movement at all. Most people are quite literally trapped in a static place by buried emotions. In such a place, life is filled with emotional minefields and geysers waiting to erupt. Words must be watched and controlled in every moment. Walls and wired fences mark off areas where unwanted emotions lie fallow.

Now imagine on top of this picture that you are close with someone else, who also has a huge amount of buried emotions. It would be very easy to get a reaction in that person if you tried to move through any of their “elastic bands”. So in most relationships, there is a general, unspoken agreement for both parties to act in such a way that no one will be triggered. The initial rush of being ‘in love’ at the beginning is usually the time such agreements are formed. It’s quite natural, of course; being triggered is not enjoyable to anyone, and it is normal to demonstrate you’re not going to trigger pain to someone you love. However, this restricts motion even further. After some time, there’s often a realization of how emotionally static such a posture is. This is when relationship questioning happens. It can either lead to greater freedom if both sides are open to questioning or to the end of a relationship if one person blames the other for opening up emotional cans of worms. There was an unspoken agreement, after all!

These unspoken agreements are actually pervasive in all aspects of our society. Social groups often have a number of these. To see this, try to imagine you showing the raw spectrum of an intense emotion without filtering (and without blaming others) to a group you’re part of. If you feel that this would cause a lot of alienation, or you simply cannot even imagine it, that is a sign of unspoken agreements. In such cases, someone not acting in accord with these agreements are the vast majority of the time thought of as ‘the problem’. To someone in a prison, those outside of it can indeed be a problem! Unfortunately, the label of ‘the problem’ sticks far too often to anyone with even a little self-doubt, encouraging further denial of emotions. And thus the cycle continues

The road less travelled, of course, is simply to not push away any emotion that occurs. This applies to both emotions within and emotions in others. Without the network of opposing forces described above, an incredible amount of freedom begins to take root. There are no longer any self-created chains rooting you to a particular emotional landscape. At first this is terrifying, but as the infinite amount of choices now available are gotten used to, the dance of freedom truly begins.

Of course, it takes a good deal of time to reincorporate denied aspects of ourselves back into the fold. Try to imagine trying to rush this process and having many of these elastic forces snap back all at once! It takes gentleness and patience. Nevertheless, each part of Self allowed back into a space of wholeness always adds to your sense of freedom, and brings a greater strength for any further challenges. This is the path of wholeness. When the freedom and joy of this is seen, then there is no need to even try for disconnections from Self. For we are complete, just as we are.

The beauty of gray

Posted by matthew on September 22, 2007  |  86 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F09%2F22%2Fthe-beauty-of-gray%2FThe+beauty+of+gray2007-09-23+06%3A05%3A59matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F09%2F23%2Fthe-beauty-of-gray%2F

Recently it’s hit home just how pervasive black and white thinking is.?It’s fairly intrinsic to the American culture, so attitudes like the following list can be accepted without a second thought, or reacted to instantly:

• “You’re either for me or against me”
• “If you saying someone is wonderful, that’s fine, but bringing up mistakes made is blaming and should be stopped.”
• “I’m through be controlled by my fear!?I won’t listen to it any more!

The latter two are less obvious than the first one, so let’s look at them.?In the bringing up of mistakes, there are an infinite number of ways this can be done.?It can certainly done out of blaming and desire to punish.?It can also be done out of a sincere desire to help others via gentle teaching, much like we naturally do with children.?It can be done simply as a desire to bring people together, for walking on tiptoes around issues in order to be “positive” usually drives a group apart in time.?It is sincerity and goodwill that brings people together, and there are myriad ways this can be expressed – sometimes in ways that may result initially in conflict.

For the last example, there’s an assumption that fear is simply an enemy to overcome, all in one step.?Of course, our fears are usually not as simple as being afraid of heights.?They pervade our entire perception.?The humor in this is that rarely does someone proclaim overcoming fear except when they are motivated by fear.?”I’m afraid of fear, so I’ll make war on it!” might be that reasoning brought to light!

Bringing up the concept of fear is of course intentional, because it is central to black and white thinking.?There’s always a core of it in that thought process.?Within the desire to go to extremes, there is a universe avoided in the remaining spectrum of life, which clearly has infinitely more colors than just two.?Even in the spectrum of gray there can be a swirling of colors, so to speak, and a great beauty.?There’s little beauty in a black and white world; it’s a harsh world of enemies and allies in a constant battle.

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Everyone is affected by fear.?I too am affected by it on a daily basis.?And yet, by allowing myself to experience fears, without refusing them or trying to get them to end, I’m finding more and more there’s a perfect completeness in that.?Fear helps me.?It’s meant to bring awareness to threats, to pains, to issues needed to be resolved, and that’s what it does if it’s allowed to.?It’s not necessarily pleasant, but there is a great feeling of aliveness when I fully invite and surrender to it.

There is no one on Earth that has no lessons to learn, that never makes mistakes.?There is also no one who makes nothing but mistakes.?(Yes, that includes George Bush!)?We each have a limited perception, and acknowledging that is loving, because it allows the full totality of someone, warts and all.?It’s wise to be aware of potentials, for there’s always room for growths, but focusing entirely on them and not being present (and thus allowing) with the here and now is a form of cutoff and division.?

Though I rarely make reference to the Bible, one section I like (and usually find in a different interpretation than my own) is the part on Adam and Eve eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.?Most people overlook that description of the tree – the awareness of good and evil.?To me, that simply speaks that it is the splitting of our perception into “Good” and “Bad”, “Black” and “White” that takes us away from “Eden“.?Letting go of judgments and filters, and simply allowing whatever occurs without labels instantly brings us back to that state of primordial innocence.

beliefs … a new perspective

Posted by matthew on August 28, 2007  |  21No Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F08%2F28%2Fbeliefs-a-new-perspective%2Fbeliefs+...+a+new+perspective2007-08-28+17%3A44%3A00matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F08%2F28%2Fbeliefs-a-new-perspective%2F

More material to be in the book “Loving Awareness”.

In the self-help community, there is much emphasis on how you need to change your beliefs to change your life.? “Change your thoughts, change your life!” is a maxim of Wayne Dyer.? ?Beliefs are how we interpret the world – every one of our experiences is filtered through our beliefs.? This is why ten different people coming from different backgrounds can have fundamental differences of interpretation of the same event – the jury system in the courts gives regular examples of this!? So changing beliefs can indeed have a powerful impact on lives.? However, most people think of a belief simply as a pattern of thoughts, and it is far more than this.? So what are beliefs, if we look deeply at them?

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In the western cultural framework, we tend to think everything is intellectual.? We’re a society that usually values intellect above all.? So when we talk about “mind” we generally refer only to thoughts and leave the emotions and the body divorced from the equation.? Not so in many oriental traditions.? The word “mind” in those cultures encompasses all of the mental, emotional, and physical parts of ourselves. ?From these perspectives, we are a fully integrated system, with every part of ourselves affecting any other.? When there is recognition of this, there is more possibility of transformative changes occurring within ourselves.? Thinking it is only our thoughts that affect us and denying the real effect the body and the emotions have upon our thoughts and each other can easily lead to mind games, with no changes resulting, and thinking that all that it is needed is more effort in doing the same thing that hasn’t worked in the past.?

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Now, on this expanded field of who we are, beliefs exists everywhere in who we are, even outside thoughts.? In a real way, they are analogous to habits â???? a pattern that repeats in how we process information .? I liken them to rivers across the continent that is the Self.? Over time, trenches and canals appear that are the result of the water flowing in a certain pattern.? There is then a tendency to continue on the same course (whether in thoughts, body movements, or emotions), but any of them can be changed with consistent effort.? If dams have been constructed, blocking the flow, there will be alternate ways things flows.? Many of these can cause more harm than good, of course, but our bodies are quite adaptable – within reason.? There’s actually a lot of similarities between the “flows” of our emotions, thoughts, and body processes.? For instance, an emotional memory might cause someone to feel anger and disappointment when someone doesn’t look them in the eye.? This “gut reaction” occurs without thought.? Similarly, a sound of a traffic accident might cause adrenaline in someone and they’d jump up to run outside, without thought or much emotion.?

Because we’re a complete system, it’s all interrelated.? For example, a man may have fixed thoughts about how a woman “should behave” in a relationship.? These thoughts may be a protective layer around a core pain in the body relating to abuse by a mother-figure in childhood; in this abuse there would be both emotional pain and body memories.? Now, trying to change the thought patterns of this man will likely run up against a brick wall because it’s only addressing thoughts.? This wall of course, is perfect â???? the thoughts are self-protective, and there is definitely pain that needs protecting, for it isn’t appropriate to bring up just anywhere or with anyone.? This isn’t to say changing thoughts is pointless; it creates ripples which may create a domino effect in other parts of the system.? But thoughts aren’t the master control of it all, especially when there’s not much consciousness in them.? We’re a great tapestry of interweaving energies we call thoughts, emotions, and matter, and we become more adaptable and powerful when we work with this whole, rather than a smaller part of ourselves.

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So then how to do this work in this quagmire?? The answer – which will be familiar to regular readers – is via allowing.? We’re not like machines that break and then require a mechanic to go in and fix. We’re constantly healing and balancing simply by being who we are, in every moment of every day.? Most alternative healing recognizes this and tries to support the body’s natural strength instead of imposing harsh chemicals, for example.? If everything’s out on the table – and everything includes thoughts, emotions, and the body â???? it’s quite a change provoking event in itself.? Anyone who’s been a witness to a person being deeply vulnerable cannot help but be affected by the experience.? Once the full wholeness of self is brought forward, there is a space of creation in that present moment that literally enables new worlds to be created.? These are worlds forced on your body by ramming affirmations inwardly; this is a process of mutual creation, and thus, a process of Love.

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To put this in action, here’s an exercise I wrote:

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Exercise

This exercise is about being big about whatever process is going on in the moment, in ways that encompass the physical, intellectual, and emotional aspects of ourselves.? To be precise about being big, here is my definition:

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Being big is about bringing the full totality of who you are to the world.? It has nothing to do with being loud, or pushing others, or speaking inspired thoughts.? You can be big no matter what your experiences in the present moment are.

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For instance, someone desperately angry might be very loud and attempt others to change.? They would feel small to others, because they are not showing vulnerability about where this emotion is coming from.? On the other hand, others might be feeling worthless, full of condemning thoughts and not feel like they deserve to take any space around them.? They might be very shy and quiet.? Bringing that forward, in its totality, without any apology or protective face, would be big.? They might tell others they need to express this, then crawl into a corner, crunch themselves into fetal position, and mumble the thoughts they are having.? So long as they bring the full totality of who they are â???? which includes the knowing that this is only an experience and not defining in any way – they are big.? They are showing they are bigger than their own experience.? This is vastness.

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So the exercise is to be big.? Bring whatever it is going on in its totality and express it.? If you need to scream, scream.? If you need to crawl into a fetal position in the deepest corner of your garage, do so.? If you need to hit pillows, do that.? But do it from a space of allowing.? Allow emotions to flow, whether through written words on the page, wordless sounds, or through the voice.? Let it come through your body; place your body in a position that encapsulates your experience.? Let thoughts ramble forth from your mind.? But above all, allow all this from a place of play.? Be a child again.? This is through a choice to let it all come forward, laughing at yourself from the dual perspective of seeing how whole you truly are while allowing all the “imperfections” come forward. ?You know that this is not defining you, and yet it is just perfect the way it is. ?If you can’t inhabit that space, allow whatever you can.? The point isn’t to change anything in this moment, but to allow it and give full expression without judgment or control.

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The magic of fully allowing is that it transforms.? If you are fully you in one moment, there is no limit to what you can be in the next moment.? It’s amazing how someone’s experience changes by the end of the exercise, especially if there’s someone you trust watching, which is encouraged!?

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Beliefs permeate the being on every level.? Transformation can manifest through altering one level or another of perception, and it is possible to alter beliefs within the space of an eye blink, thereby creating irrevocable transformations that reverberate through all levels of the Self.? And it is true also that transformation within the Self will create transformation within a wider space known as a family, a community, a world, or a universe, or all of them – for they are all essentially the same.? For this, then, we can change the phrase into “change your thoughts, change the world”.

the innocence of anger

Posted by matthew on July 26, 2007  |  244 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F07%2F26%2Fthe-innocence-of-anger%2Fthe+innocence+of+anger2007-07-26+19%3A12%3A00matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F07%2F26%2Fthe-innocence-of-anger%2F

For this blog I’ll write about anger. It’s a greatly misunderstood emotion in our culture. It’s both decried and cultivated at the same time. There are enormous mixed messages we get on a daily basis, and because of this, many people have walled away any possibility of this emotion being shown. To an extreme, there might even be a message that it’s best to always step back and “see the perfection of the other” – which involves walling away anything critical – rather than show any anger.

Now, let’s look at anger directly. I hope you can pause here to look at it with me; we all have it inside ourselves. Think of someone or something that simply pisses you off. Please sit with it a while; listen to it. This isn’t about a venting process, which is what happens when the easiest words are found. Listening is a deep, meditative process that doesn’t wish anything to go away or be fixed. Pay attention to what it really wants to say. Listen to it equally if it’s to someone else or to yourself.

(I hope you take a few moments to breathe deeply and listen to yourself here)

When I hear anger, it’s a voice with power that says “Something isn’t working here. Please listen!”. That’s all. No violence at all. What isn’t healthy about that – speaking out when something doesn’t work?

What most people confuse with anger is projection. Projection naturally happens when there’s a total non-acceptance of a real process going on within. It says “this is not mine! It must be yours.” And thus a violence caused by the rupture that begins totally with Self. Thus, if something isn’t working internally and there’s denial that it IS within, there is a constant push externally that is the anger turned into projection. Of course, in this case, there is nothing the outside world can do to change the internal world of the person, so “help” turns two ways: either to encourage listening and care of Self, or to encourage numbness so the inner turmoil isn’t felt. Many “safe” atmospheres encourage the numbness by creating a whitewashed atmosphere where all possible triggers are removed.

To look at healthy anger, a good example is Gandhi. Gandhi made it very clear the behavior of the British in India wasn’t working; it caused tremendous suffering, he did everything in his power to encourage people to listen and see it clearly. He focused solely on the behavior of the British, not the British themselves, who were generally wonderful people. He did not make them wrong (i.e., use projection), but focused on behavior that was changeable – and so documented the systematic methods of poverty and oppression that occurred in those colonial times. People wouldn’t think it was anger, because there was no rage or violence at all. He moved from a place of power that no one could take away, and part of that was his non-violence. But the root energy was anger – simply in a very evolved form. It was again, “This isn’t working – Please listen!”. This goes back to earlier posts expressing there are no “bad” emotions. Any emotion can be transformed to a place where it services mankind. Without exception.

An example closer to home might be a mother watching over a child. If the child places itself in danger, the natural response tends to be anger. In a mother with no shame of their anger, this comes out as a clear “get back! I care about you!” I’ve been lucky enough to see people without any shame of their anger, and the response children have to this is lovely. They will tend to smile, because the anger clearly comes out of Love. However, if there’s significant guilt and pain surrounding anger, all of this inner division comes out in the communication. The result is that it feels awful, because with the disharmony expressed in that shout, the love in the communication doesn’t shine through. The crux is that the problem is with the disunity, not the anger.

One of the false images people have of anger is that it’s a way to attack the other person. However, if you’ve ever seen someone “let it all out”, without defenses, it is an incredibly vulnerable state. We tend to go through life guarding against others knowing what we care about. Showing anger without guile or protection puts it all out on the table. You are making what you passionately care in plain view all to see and touch. People subconsciously protect against this because of the possibility the other person will use that vulnerability to attack. This is of course, very valid; it happens fairly regularly. Those who wish to use this vulnerability to attack may bait others, waiting for others to let loose so they can then give a “sucker punch” of a sort. This doesn’t take anything away from those who reach this kind of vulnerability; it takes great courage to be fully open this way. Most people get angry half-heartedly. They let the other person know they are angry, but they don’t get to vulnerability. Others tend to feel this lack of vulnerability and react defensively. Many activists are in this state.

When it comes down to it, anger deserves a deep and profound listening, like everything else. It is often a healthy desire for boundaries. Sometimes it is the simple message that something isn’t working, and thus can be a “cover up emotion”, pointing to a geyser of other emotions that are crying out to be released. But the anger itself is not a problem. It is something that needs to be given a loving space of listening, not “fixed”. There is nothing that needs to be done with it, other than listening. Allowing it transforms it, and lets everyone involved see what truly wasn’t working. This is a gift to the world.

Now, the events of the last few weeks as described in the last blog for me brought up a lot of anger. Quite frankly, I love my anger. And because of that, no one would ever describe me as an “angry person”. I love that I speak up when something doesn’t work. I love that I do my best to do it from a vulnerable space. Sometimes I fall flat on my face, but that’s what learning’s about. Look what happened in the previous blog – there are great benefits to getting to a place where support is needed!

Be whole.

Loving Awareness – an exercise

Posted by matthew on July 2, 2007  |  261 Commenthttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F07%2F02%2Floving-awareness-an-exercise%2FLoving+Awareness+-+an+exercise2007-07-02+18%3A10%3A00matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F07%2F02%2Floving-awareness-an-exercise%2F

As I mentioned in the previous blog, I’m co-writing a book with Karen Murphy centered around the subject of Love.? Notice the capitals – it’s intentional.? It’s really meant to go beyond all the cultural stereotypes and assumptions we have about the subject (e.g., “a vague syrupy emotion that guarantees happiness”) coming back time and time again to the truth that we ARE Love. 

? Every part of us, without exception.? This of course is interplayed with all the duality we live in here on Earth.? We’re mostly done the “Levels of Love”, which aren’t based on cosmic grade schools, but more about the degree of allowing we have in our lives.? The duality is that Love already exists perfectly inside us, but our awareness and experience of it may not be consistent with this.? It doesn’t focus on the idea that a “higher level is better”, but instead, on seeing the perfection and unity of all expressions of Love, even actions such as survival-focused, reptilian brain ones which we tend not to think of as such.? It is via that perception that allow more expansive experiences.

I’d like to intersperse this with a little personal report on how this is affecting me.

Many changes seem to be happening inside me as this writing and channeling is going on.? First, as the focus on what Love IS continues, more potential for the experience of it has shown itself, and at the same time, more light has been shown on the manners in which I resist it. 

? Things I’ve not fully accepted about myself.

For example, this morning as I was meditating in the sunlight, fears came up strongly.? Before, I would feel plenty of discomfort, with many impulses to get up and abort the practice, but this time it was much more a direct experience – terror.? Today, these were all related to my impatience, such as what I’m “missing out”, intolerant thoughts such as “why haven’t I gotten over this yet!”, and thoughts of all the other things I could be doing now.? The latter ironically included things my mind thinks would be loving – which were always about the future and not in the present moment.? My impatience also does a wonderful job in excuses to avoid any pains or intense feelings occurring in the present moment.? Years ago I truly thought I couldn’t handle intense emotions and needed to be “fixed”.? Now there’s still some terror, but I know what is “me” is truly bigger than any of them.? Ironically, the emotions I could accept were the ones which I didn’t feel were “loving” emotions.? This now is superimposed on my newer understanding and application of Love which includes ALL these aspects of myself, which paradoxically includes, for example, small minded bickering (within myself and with others), frustration with myself, intolerance, and pure pain.?

When it comes to it, Love has been emphasized to me over the last few years – of which Troy’s group (Cocteauboy on here) has been a wonderful part – as a Wholeness.? That is, everything inside myself is already loving, including all parts I’d previously thought as not loving, such as anger.? More than that, it all IS Love.? This has changed so many perspectives, especially any perspective that thinks there is something in myself, or others, that needs fixing.? That change has been such a shift in truly appreciating the magnitude of simply being alive on Earth and in getting to a sense of play with all of life.

back to the book…

The following are 3 exercises that I am putting out there.? I would like as many people to try them as possible and report back any experiences and thoughts they have.? So no, you don’t have to comment right away on this one!
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?? The first has simply to do with assisting you in transcending the sense of isolation that can exist.? Position yourself where you can feel sunlight on your body, preferably your face.? Closing your eyes, imagine yourself becoming one with the particles of light and energy that rain down upon you and around you.? Feel the Love that comes to you from the enormous source of energy that is available to you at almost any time.? This source of energy has, of course, no expectation whatsoever from you.? It is freely given.? It is yours.? Feel, then, again, the sense of oneness that begins to pervade you as you feel the warmth spread on your skin.? Allow yourself the freedom to expand INTO that source, for you are indeed a part of it.? Your sense of awareness, then, may begin to extend to other facets of nature.? Sense the trees in their perfection.? Inhale the scent of flowers, of the damp earth fresh from rain.? Listen to the sounds of nature all around you.? If you are not in a place where nature can be sensed so closely, you can still feel at one with the walls and the carpeting and the roof around you, for all of these things once came from nature.? Awareness that a thing is as perfect in moving from its original form to another will increase your sense of oneness with everything around you.

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2. 

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?? For the second part of this exercise, we encourage you to extend your awareness to the perceptions of others.? Specifically, to the meeting of the boundaries of your Self as you know it and the boundaries of others.? All of you have experienced a time when someone moved past your own internal boundaries and created within you a sense of discomfort.? This is especially true of children, and you all have memories of being children when your boundaries were crossed.? Many children react with violence, and some withdraw.? It is this pattern of behaviour that persists later in life.? It is important, then, to maintain an awareness of the boundaries of others whenever you attempt to connect with them for balance to be achieved.? The innate desperation we spoke of earlier creates a sense of urgency in connections, causing ‘rushing’ and ignoring of boundaries.? It is important to temper the connection within the confines of the boundaries of whom you are attempting to connect.? This then, leads to this second exercise.

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Imagine your self surrounded in a circle of your closest friends, acquaintances, or family members.? You love all of them.? You are aware of their love for you. 

? Starting with a very small circle, imagine yourself sending an invisible cord from your heart to theirs through which to connect more closely.? If this is done slowly and with gratitude, you will sense at some point a slight barrier between you.? Feel this barrier, and allow your gratitude to expand and include it.? Enjoy this connection, and appreciate any sensations that come through this barrier, without any rush or urgency.

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This circle can now grow further.? Allow then, the circle to begin to widen to include still others.? You notice this creates a momentary sense of the potential of loss.? Be aware that through the cord of connection the circle could widen to an infinite degree without you ever losing connection.? Practice attempting connection, feeling a boundary, appreciating it, and then allowing the circle to widen further with those of your immediate acquaintances for some time.? You will notice more than likely, shifts will occur within the construct of these relationships.? Notice them and allow them while maintaining the knowledge that the connections can never be severed, no matter how wide the circle grows.

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You may wish to continue this exercise and practice it with those with whom you are less acquainted with, for instance, work colleagues.? It is not necessary to maintain an intense connection with those around you, but instead to simply allow a connection to develop and grow naturally between you.? Once allowed to develop naturally, the connection will strengthen of its own accord.

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?? The third exercise involves increased awareness of Self.? You have all likely heard that in order to love others, you must first love yourselves.? We would not put it in such stark terms.? However, loving yourself is the SAME as loving others.? There is no difference.? Love is Love.?

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Visualize yourself, then, high up on a remote, rocky mountaintop.? Your friend the sun is gently warming your face.? Your awareness extends to the circle you made in the second exercise, however it is far, far away, and you are simply alone.? You sense the grandeur of your surroundings, yet, at the same time, you are aware of the perfection that exists within the rhythmic being of your own heart.? And it is this sound that now lulls you to sleep at night.? On this mountaintop, you are aware of the rhythmic ebb and flow of the tides of the movement of clouds across the atmosphere of the ever present circling of the seasons as they occur around you.? On this mountaintop, you experience time both very quickly and very slowly at the same time.? Allow then, your awareness to build towards the circle you made, and toward the source of the sun at the same time.? Moving in both directions causes your own inner source, your heart, to grow as well.? You are now aware that your entire existence can reside within the vastness of your own heart.? This gives you a tremendous sense of peace and gratitude for the perfection that is you.

With an eye to what helps.

Posted by matthew on June 26, 2007  |  28No Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F06%2F26%2Fwith-an-eye-to-what-helps%2FWith+an+eye+to+what+helps.2007-06-26+17%3A44%3A00matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F06%2F26%2Fwith-an-eye-to-what-helps%2F

To recur on the theme of power from before, one idea that has stuck with me for many years is:

Power resides in simplicity.? The more powerful you wish to be, the slower and simpler you must be.

Gandhi was a superb example of this; he affected hundreds of millions by his simply living.? However, I had an experience during a debate a few weeks ago with the Work Less Party that illustrated this as well.? The debate was about whether it was right for Canada to send troops to Afghanistan.? There were, of course, many arguments which could be said for and against it, most of which exist for any nation in NATO.? However, my response bypassed all of this:

“I would say that we’re answering the wrong question here.? The question isn’t it whether it’s right or not to send troops.? The question is what will help?”

(I then went on to document examples of missions in the world that actually did help, which were generally in the area of non-profit activities.)

The interesting thing about this tact is the lack of arguments it created.? If I had stated that something is wrong with that action, it’s guaranteed to provoke conflict, because it is a divisive statement.? I would be saying that this behaviour and the people supporting it are wrong, and I’m right.? For example, those with loved ones in the military might feel personally attacked.? Others might contradict me as a matter of course without listening to me because they know that who they are isn’t wrong (which is true) and the argument makes them feel so.

On the other hand, focusing on only what will help, without any judgment on the current state of affairs, creates much more room for both clear seeing and open choices.? It is a stance of Love.? Love starts with what IS, without any reservations about what it “should be”.? It then focuses on what will help â???? even if it is only one small step on a path a continent away.? The next moment is responds in the same way, always with an open mind.? Sometimes what will help is different than before.

This a lot of parallels to other areas of activism and human conflict. Activism is filled with a lot of conflict driven behaviour.? So much of it comes from admirable motivations, such as environmental stewardship, a desire to end poverty and the inherent violence therein, an end to conflict, or a desire to have small voices heard.? However, if the focus is on what is wrong with the world, it will provoke defenses.? It may attract attention, but it rarely provokes listening.? By focusing on only what will help â???? not what will help me, or the environment, or them, but the entire situation without division â???? you remove so many barriers towards effective change. 

? Everyone wants to help.? Yes, even George Bush!? The problem isn’t that â???? it’s the myopic vision that cannot see the whole picture that creates the situation.? Bypassing right and wrong creates a shortcut into this big picture.

This applies to personal relationships as well; when one person says “you did this to me!” there is an inherent conflict in that statement.? It’s a desire to make the other person wrong.? Changing that to a desire to help the situation â???? for both parties to experience joy â???? will always change perspective.? Sometimes what will help is an apology.? Other times it is clear communication of your experience without blame.? Still other times it is appropriate distancing.? It’s all flexible and starts with clear seeing and listening.? That’s what Love is.

[oh yes, and I did get a nice applause for my speech with some strong listening from the audience!]

“negativity” – NOT!

Posted by matthew on May 28, 2007  |  312 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F05%2F28%2Fnegativity-not%2F%22negativity%22+-+NOT%212007-05-28+19%3A12%3A00matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F05%2F28%2Fnegativity-not%2F

This time this writing got started in response to a post on a group on here, which was representative of many thoughts. Here’s the post :

Negative emotions like anger and fear are a very low vibration and if you are feeling those things, it lowers the vibration of your energy field and you have less Light from God.

Red is pretty, but it is a low vibration. The fact that it is pretty is beside the point. There are some very beautiful or maybe even tasty but poisonous flowers or plants, but it wouldn’t be a safe to have them around or eat them. It’s the same concept of just because it feels good doesn’t mean it’s good for you.

It actually makes me laugh when people talk about everyday experiences and things as “low” or “high” vibration and relating this to “goodness” and “bad. Not laugh in a derogatory way â???? simply laugh.

Perhaps the best metaphor is white light. Most spiritual people associate this with the “highest” vibration. However, if you look at what it is made of, white is all vibrations – all colors in one. If you remove the frequency of any color from it, it is no longer white. So saying any color is “bad” really is not seeing the totality of what we’re heading towards. We are moving towards true integration, where we use every single aspect of ourselves without conflict, in harmony with every other aspect. This is the equivalent of white light.

Likewise, to say any emotion is “bad” is really not seeing the spectrum. Anger and fear are here to help. Anger is essentially here to help set good, healthy boundaries, and fear is here to help us stay alive. The danger is that when these emotions come on strong, it can be easy to get lost in them and not get support from the entire spectrum of who we are. Also, if we dislike those emotions and wish to get rid of them, they’re usually still there, just operating in a very separated, unconscious matter. The truth is that who we are is very large â???? there is no way we can “get rid” of anything, nor should we want to. Bringing these emotions to a conscious level so there is a conscious choice on how we use and interact with them is all we need.

In one of the Krishmamurthi video nights I had a few months ago, one person made a comment that we need to “overcome aggression”, linking it with violence and wars. I simply responded that Krishnamurthi’s energy was also aggressive â???? it is the same basic energy. Krishamurthi speaks with incredibly dynamism, saying “See for yourself! Be present! Awaken!” with forcefulness. The only difference is that this energy – dynamic, aggressive , explosive and outward focused – is not in conflict with anything, either internally or externally. It is a prime example of an energy, often labeled “bad”, that has brought into operating in a fully conscious manner.

There are no bad emotions. Only energies not in harmony with surrounding ones.

I’m actually still working on a lot of this myself; I know there’s a good deal of repressed memories from childhood trauma in my body. However, I’m generally fine with them being there. I don’t need them to be changed. There are a lot of “negative” emotions there, and they will come out when they’re ready. I feel a hell of a lot more freedom inside myself after realizing that none of these trapped energies actually restrict who I am; they are simply there as fodder for learning.

Some people think they’d better wait until they’ve “perfected” themselves before they offer their own teaching and gifts to the world. But often the best teaching is showing the world your own ‘problems’, and how you’re transforming them in each moment. This is being a living teacher, instead of a signpost.

So when interacting with such emotions, instead of restricting and protecting, it’s good to include and harmonize. Adding compassion and conscious action does a lot more than fearfully avoiding anything (including areas of one’s self) because it’s of “low vibration”. There’s a lot of fear-based teachings out there which use a the word ‘love’ frequently. Love is about unconditional acceptance from a place of non-duality. So avoiding anything because it is “fundamentally bad” (ie, not accepting it) is not a loving action. This is very different from being truly accepting, but taking care of yourself and choosing not to invite something in. I can love a person who behaves violently â???? I completely accept the rage and pain there â???? but I do not want this person near me, nor in a place where he or she would inevitably hurt others. It’s a place of “loving the sinner but hating the sin”, and it applies internally as well.

Raising “vibration”, or consciousness, always starts from the present moment. Which means allowing anything truly going on inside yourself, Now, to come to the foreground – even if it is ‘dark’. To take a more extreme example, a lot of ‘spiritual’ people thumb their noses at thrash metal – and yet, for many people into this sort of music, it is a perfect expression of the jarring inner conflict inside themselves in their present moment. The expression helps them look at it and transform it. So for them, it is a way to higher vibration. I don’t listen to it myself, but I am seeing how everything on this planet has value.

Here is a table of emotions, showing the “positive pole”, or a freeing, expansive expression, and the “negative pole”, a more restricted expression.

Looking at this table can help see what allowing emotions can do. There is always a transformation that occurs when a state is allowed, which will without exception move into the “positive pole” listed above.