Loving Awareness

Breaking through the chains of identity

Posted by matthew on November 23, 2007  |  567 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F11%2F23%2Fbreaking-through-the-chains-of-identity%2FBreaking+through+the+chains+of+identity2007-11-24+00%3A25%3A10matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F11%2F23%2Fbreaking-through-the-chains-of-identity%2F

I had a question recently asked of me, which is what this article is based on:

How do you form new identities when there are expectations other people place, in terms of maintaining an identity? How do you find ways of letting go to holding on to that and allowing more of yourself to come through?

To answer this, let’s first look at what identity is. The etymology of the word comes from the Latin words for “sameness” and “over and over’. This in itself gives a good picture of it - a fixated pattern or image that can be repeated over and over. It can be looked at as a temporary protection against the unknown. Where there is the dark unknown and the feeling of helplessness come from it, then terror appears, and so there is a desire to control that comes from this. Identity is the standard result.

Because of the nature of interconnection mentioned in previous articles, identities are not isolated towers etched in stone. Your identity depends on the interactions you have with others, particularly intimate relationships. The degree of ‘sameness’ and repetition of behavior in relationships creates safety and protection more firmly than any amount of home security. Conversely, when someone’s behavior and identity fluctuates without agreement from everyone involved, a sense of betrayal and threat is often the results. When you question your identity, ripples flow outward that invite everyone surrounding you to also question their own identity. For some, this is incredibly fearful. To real degree, this can feel if one’s life is about to end – because in some ways, it is.

Identity, therefore, is central to the perception of isolation and separateness that human beings are subject to. If you hardwire your perception of Self to be a fixed collection of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, then you will automatically disconnect from all beings that are not this collection. You may see this in such actions as politics; the identity is so strong, so dependent on connections with others of like mind that the disconnect then it is quite likely that those on the ‘other side’ are disconnected from to such a degree that their humanness is no longer seen. When taken to its natural extreme, this can cause violence and wars.

The problems do not come from any idea of what you are, but always from what you are not. If you deny connections, whether to others or within yourself, you are in fact wielding a scalpel, surgically cutting yourself off from the universe. This is violence. This is an attack, both at the world and at the Self. There is no outward form of violence that does not directly come from this core split.

To work with this, we suggest an exercise adapted from Thich Naht Hahn :

When you meet something, instead of a label which implies separation such as ‘tree’, ‘house’, or ‘road’, state instead that you are what you see. ‘I am this’ is a good phrase, or a statement of ‘I am a tree’ when you meet one. Rather than this be something enforced on your mind, expand outward to breath in the essence of what you are seeing.

Another way to do this is via the practice of mindful eating. Your absolute interconnection is not simply with what you see, but everything that is connected to what you see as well. An example would be the eating of brown rice. (preferably organic!). As you are eating, feeling the soft fibers in your tongue, invite the perception that you are the rice, and that you are enjoying changing form to help preserve life. You are the plants in the field that produced this output. You are the workers that cultivated the food. You are the sunlight that gave life to this plant. You are the water that irrigated the field. You are the rain and sky that brought the rivers. You are the people that package and brought the rice to you. You are even the animals that ate from the field before it was cultivated. You are all that.

Imagine then, that with every bite you are taking, you are affirming your connection to the earth, the plants on it, the sun, the animals, and every human being interconnected on it. This connection is in every bite of food, and indeed in every breath you take. Living with this connection at a conscious level is an ever present source of joy.

In this exercise, the ‘who you are’ is absolutely inclusive, and thus without violence. There is nothing you are not, and thus nothing you have to use force to separate yourself from. This is where true power comes from. If you have difficulty feeling this connection in this exercise, then we suggest trying it again in a natural setting, where animals can be viewed. Animals naturally feel this interconnection as part of their way of being, and can be great teachers in this. Children can be as well.

‘Letting go of identity’ is therefore not a true letting go. There is in fact no need to let go of who you are â???? only to let go of the perception of what you are not. You may in fact be a professional, reliable person who doesn’t want to impose on others, but you may also be a human being who has pain inside and deserves the chance to make mistakes, get angry, and be wrong.

If you decide to undergo on the path of expanding your identity, take caution, for the ripples this path creates can create much reaction in others. In fact, we advocate asking those close to you for permission first, even if in your own mind or in a dream state. Leaving behind past shelters of identity is usually a terrifying undertaking, and it is good to prepare and gain support beforehand. But it is good to remember that it is always in the unknown that true experience of Love resides, and this is why terror is often experienced before Love is. And it is in the expansion of Self â???? not the destruction of it â???? that Love is experienced. Your awareness of identity can expand to where your identity is your family, the community, the earth, and the universe. This is in fact what is true at this very moment, and we invite you to rejoin with your birthright.

Reconnecting to Your Source

Posted by admin on October 11, 2007  |  452 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F10%2F11%2Freconnecting-to-your-source%2FReconnecting+to+Your+Source2007-10-11+16%3A12%3A41adminhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F10%2F11%2Freconnecting-to-your-source%2F

All of us, each one of us, is connected to one another. We each are created from, formed of, and connected to the same genetic source material. This is such a universal truth that it appears in both religious literature and myth alike. The story of Genesis and the formation of us as humans is part of us, part of our heritage as a people, and the truth remains: we are connected, we are One.

Then why the pervasive feeling of separateness, of disconnection from where and how we began? Why can’t we feel connected to our source, connected to others and to the Universe, at all times?

The answer is both simple and complex: we chose the separation, each one of us, yet we can have that reconnection if we so desire.

Separation is a way of allowing us to become caught up in the illusions of the life experience so as to present ourselves and one another with growth opportunities. Simply put, we learn from interaction from one another, and if there was no interaction, we would not evolve. It is impossible to learn all there is about being human simply from interacting with the self.

We learn a great deal through conflict. Conflict arises from a feeling of disconnectedness, and without conflict there is often little impetus to interact and grow from that interaction. While it is certainly possible and often preferable to learn from places of joy, it is difficult for us to remain in that state long enough to allow the growth to permeate us; when in Joy we often are simply caught up in the wonder and beauty of it and neglect to utilize that time as well to grow and learn. It is a very human trait, then, to require conflict in order to grow.

That is not to say that conflict is desirable, simply that from it springs much to build a lifetime of evolution and growth.

While separation is part of the design of human evolution and growth, it certainly is not the natural state from whence we came, and often we feel a longing to return to that state of utter connectedness yet fee we have lost the way to get there.

It is one thing to say and acknowledge, “I am One with you, we are all One,” and it is quite another thing to hold that belief inside us, in our hearts and even down to a cellular level. How, then, to get there? How can we hold that knowingness inside us, so that it may be present to comfort us, to guide us, to allow us to remain connected with all that we are?

It is really quite simple.

All you need to do is to allow the connection.

“Allow the connection”? What does that mean, in real terms?

It means stepping into that place rather than forcing your way in. It means holding the idea of being connected to source at all times, holding it within you as a real possibility. It means, also, letting yourself deserve that reconnection.

Let’s talk for a moment about what we deserve. We all are here on this planet on a level playing field, meaning that we all, since we are of course connected and part of the One, deserving of the same experiences, the same opportunities. You likely believe this on various levels pertaining to human rights, civil rights, and the like. We are One. But going to you, yourself, thinking about only yourself, do you give yourself the same opportunities for joy and happiness that you allow for others? Or do you see yourself as perhaps having to work a little harder, a little longer, for the same growth that you fully believe others are deserving of?

Do you really believe that you deserve to be connected to your inner source?

If you are human, then you are deserving of the human experience. Period. And allowing a reconnection to our source is certainly and most positively part of the human experience.

Again, then, allowing the connection to Source means letting go of who you think you are and letting in all the myriad magical possibilities of who you could be. For all those possibilities are also You. You are far larger than you perceive. In fact, you are not only who you think you are and the millions of imagined possibilities of who you are, but you are also all the yous that ever have been, all the yous who ever existed in your imagination or otherwise, throughout your entire life. All those possibilities, whether real or imagined, are all a part of the larger You that is. And when you acknowledge all those possibilities, acknowledge your Self in all its grand bigness and perfection, you allow connection to Source, for it is through the You that is that your connection exists.

It is through the You That Is that your connection to your Source exists.

And it is by allowing and acknowledging all your myriad possibilities, tens of thousands upon millions of them, that you regain your connection to the One that is you.

the innocence of anger

Posted by matthew on July 26, 2007  |  244 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F07%2F26%2Fthe-innocence-of-anger%2Fthe+innocence+of+anger2007-07-26+19%3A12%3A00matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F07%2F26%2Fthe-innocence-of-anger%2F

For this blog I’ll write about anger. It’s a greatly misunderstood emotion in our culture. It’s both decried and cultivated at the same time. There are enormous mixed messages we get on a daily basis, and because of this, many people have walled away any possibility of this emotion being shown. To an extreme, there might even be a message that it’s best to always step back and “see the perfection of the other” – which involves walling away anything critical – rather than show any anger.

Now, let’s look at anger directly. I hope you can pause here to look at it with me; we all have it inside ourselves. Think of someone or something that simply pisses you off. Please sit with it a while; listen to it. This isn’t about a venting process, which is what happens when the easiest words are found. Listening is a deep, meditative process that doesn’t wish anything to go away or be fixed. Pay attention to what it really wants to say. Listen to it equally if it’s to someone else or to yourself.

(I hope you take a few moments to breathe deeply and listen to yourself here)

When I hear anger, it’s a voice with power that says “Something isn’t working here. Please listen!”. That’s all. No violence at all. What isn’t healthy about that – speaking out when something doesn’t work?

What most people confuse with anger is projection. Projection naturally happens when there’s a total non-acceptance of a real process going on within. It says “this is not mine! It must be yours.” And thus a violence caused by the rupture that begins totally with Self. Thus, if something isn’t working internally and there’s denial that it IS within, there is a constant push externally that is the anger turned into projection. Of course, in this case, there is nothing the outside world can do to change the internal world of the person, so “help” turns two ways: either to encourage listening and care of Self, or to encourage numbness so the inner turmoil isn’t felt. Many “safe” atmospheres encourage the numbness by creating a whitewashed atmosphere where all possible triggers are removed.

To look at healthy anger, a good example is Gandhi. Gandhi made it very clear the behavior of the British in India wasn’t working; it caused tremendous suffering, he did everything in his power to encourage people to listen and see it clearly. He focused solely on the behavior of the British, not the British themselves, who were generally wonderful people. He did not make them wrong (i.e., use projection), but focused on behavior that was changeable – and so documented the systematic methods of poverty and oppression that occurred in those colonial times. People wouldn’t think it was anger, because there was no rage or violence at all. He moved from a place of power that no one could take away, and part of that was his non-violence. But the root energy was anger – simply in a very evolved form. It was again, “This isn’t working – Please listen!”. This goes back to earlier posts expressing there are no “bad” emotions. Any emotion can be transformed to a place where it services mankind. Without exception.

An example closer to home might be a mother watching over a child. If the child places itself in danger, the natural response tends to be anger. In a mother with no shame of their anger, this comes out as a clear “get back! I care about you!” I’ve been lucky enough to see people without any shame of their anger, and the response children have to this is lovely. They will tend to smile, because the anger clearly comes out of Love. However, if there’s significant guilt and pain surrounding anger, all of this inner division comes out in the communication. The result is that it feels awful, because with the disharmony expressed in that shout, the love in the communication doesn’t shine through. The crux is that the problem is with the disunity, not the anger.

One of the false images people have of anger is that it’s a way to attack the other person. However, if you’ve ever seen someone “let it all out”, without defenses, it is an incredibly vulnerable state. We tend to go through life guarding against others knowing what we care about. Showing anger without guile or protection puts it all out on the table. You are making what you passionately care in plain view all to see and touch. People subconsciously protect against this because of the possibility the other person will use that vulnerability to attack. This is of course, very valid; it happens fairly regularly. Those who wish to use this vulnerability to attack may bait others, waiting for others to let loose so they can then give a “sucker punch” of a sort. This doesn’t take anything away from those who reach this kind of vulnerability; it takes great courage to be fully open this way. Most people get angry half-heartedly. They let the other person know they are angry, but they don’t get to vulnerability. Others tend to feel this lack of vulnerability and react defensively. Many activists are in this state.

When it comes down to it, anger deserves a deep and profound listening, like everything else. It is often a healthy desire for boundaries. Sometimes it is the simple message that something isn’t working, and thus can be a “cover up emotion”, pointing to a geyser of other emotions that are crying out to be released. But the anger itself is not a problem. It is something that needs to be given a loving space of listening, not “fixed”. There is nothing that needs to be done with it, other than listening. Allowing it transforms it, and lets everyone involved see what truly wasn’t working. This is a gift to the world.

Now, the events of the last few weeks as described in the last blog for me brought up a lot of anger. Quite frankly, I love my anger. And because of that, no one would ever describe me as an “angry person”. I love that I speak up when something doesn’t work. I love that I do my best to do it from a vulnerable space. Sometimes I fall flat on my face, but that’s what learning’s about. Look what happened in the previous blog – there are great benefits to getting to a place where support is needed!

Be whole.

Loving Awareness – an exercise

Posted by matthew on July 2, 2007  |  261 Commenthttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F07%2F02%2Floving-awareness-an-exercise%2FLoving+Awareness+-+an+exercise2007-07-02+18%3A10%3A00matthewhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.loving-awareness.org%2F2007%2F07%2F02%2Floving-awareness-an-exercise%2F

As I mentioned in the previous blog, I’m co-writing a book with Karen Murphy centered around the subject of Love.? Notice the capitals – it’s intentional.? It’s really meant to go beyond all the cultural stereotypes and assumptions we have about the subject (e.g., “a vague syrupy emotion that guarantees happiness”) coming back time and time again to the truth that we ARE Love. 

? Every part of us, without exception.? This of course is interplayed with all the duality we live in here on Earth.? We’re mostly done the “Levels of Love”, which aren’t based on cosmic grade schools, but more about the degree of allowing we have in our lives.? The duality is that Love already exists perfectly inside us, but our awareness and experience of it may not be consistent with this.? It doesn’t focus on the idea that a “higher level is better”, but instead, on seeing the perfection and unity of all expressions of Love, even actions such as survival-focused, reptilian brain ones which we tend not to think of as such.? It is via that perception that allow more expansive experiences.

I’d like to intersperse this with a little personal report on how this is affecting me.

Many changes seem to be happening inside me as this writing and channeling is going on.? First, as the focus on what Love IS continues, more potential for the experience of it has shown itself, and at the same time, more light has been shown on the manners in which I resist it. 

? Things I’ve not fully accepted about myself.

For example, this morning as I was meditating in the sunlight, fears came up strongly.? Before, I would feel plenty of discomfort, with many impulses to get up and abort the practice, but this time it was much more a direct experience – terror.? Today, these were all related to my impatience, such as what I’m “missing out”, intolerant thoughts such as “why haven’t I gotten over this yet!”, and thoughts of all the other things I could be doing now.? The latter ironically included things my mind thinks would be loving – which were always about the future and not in the present moment.? My impatience also does a wonderful job in excuses to avoid any pains or intense feelings occurring in the present moment.? Years ago I truly thought I couldn’t handle intense emotions and needed to be “fixed”.? Now there’s still some terror, but I know what is “me” is truly bigger than any of them.? Ironically, the emotions I could accept were the ones which I didn’t feel were “loving” emotions.? This now is superimposed on my newer understanding and application of Love which includes ALL these aspects of myself, which paradoxically includes, for example, small minded bickering (within myself and with others), frustration with myself, intolerance, and pure pain.?

When it comes to it, Love has been emphasized to me over the last few years – of which Troy’s group (Cocteauboy on here) has been a wonderful part – as a Wholeness.? That is, everything inside myself is already loving, including all parts I’d previously thought as not loving, such as anger.? More than that, it all IS Love.? This has changed so many perspectives, especially any perspective that thinks there is something in myself, or others, that needs fixing.? That change has been such a shift in truly appreciating the magnitude of simply being alive on Earth and in getting to a sense of play with all of life.

back to the book…

The following are 3 exercises that I am putting out there.? I would like as many people to try them as possible and report back any experiences and thoughts they have.? So no, you don’t have to comment right away on this one!
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1. 

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?? The first has simply to do with assisting you in transcending the sense of isolation that can exist.? Position yourself where you can feel sunlight on your body, preferably your face.? Closing your eyes, imagine yourself becoming one with the particles of light and energy that rain down upon you and around you.? Feel the Love that comes to you from the enormous source of energy that is available to you at almost any time.? This source of energy has, of course, no expectation whatsoever from you.? It is freely given.? It is yours.? Feel, then, again, the sense of oneness that begins to pervade you as you feel the warmth spread on your skin.? Allow yourself the freedom to expand INTO that source, for you are indeed a part of it.? Your sense of awareness, then, may begin to extend to other facets of nature.? Sense the trees in their perfection.? Inhale the scent of flowers, of the damp earth fresh from rain.? Listen to the sounds of nature all around you.? If you are not in a place where nature can be sensed so closely, you can still feel at one with the walls and the carpeting and the roof around you, for all of these things once came from nature.? Awareness that a thing is as perfect in moving from its original form to another will increase your sense of oneness with everything around you.

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2. 

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?? For the second part of this exercise, we encourage you to extend your awareness to the perceptions of others.? Specifically, to the meeting of the boundaries of your Self as you know it and the boundaries of others.? All of you have experienced a time when someone moved past your own internal boundaries and created within you a sense of discomfort.? This is especially true of children, and you all have memories of being children when your boundaries were crossed.? Many children react with violence, and some withdraw.? It is this pattern of behaviour that persists later in life.? It is important, then, to maintain an awareness of the boundaries of others whenever you attempt to connect with them for balance to be achieved.? The innate desperation we spoke of earlier creates a sense of urgency in connections, causing ‘rushing’ and ignoring of boundaries.? It is important to temper the connection within the confines of the boundaries of whom you are attempting to connect.? This then, leads to this second exercise.

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Imagine your self surrounded in a circle of your closest friends, acquaintances, or family members.? You love all of them.? You are aware of their love for you. 

? Starting with a very small circle, imagine yourself sending an invisible cord from your heart to theirs through which to connect more closely.? If this is done slowly and with gratitude, you will sense at some point a slight barrier between you.? Feel this barrier, and allow your gratitude to expand and include it.? Enjoy this connection, and appreciate any sensations that come through this barrier, without any rush or urgency.

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This circle can now grow further.? Allow then, the circle to begin to widen to include still others.? You notice this creates a momentary sense of the potential of loss.? Be aware that through the cord of connection the circle could widen to an infinite degree without you ever losing connection.? Practice attempting connection, feeling a boundary, appreciating it, and then allowing the circle to widen further with those of your immediate acquaintances for some time.? You will notice more than likely, shifts will occur within the construct of these relationships.? Notice them and allow them while maintaining the knowledge that the connections can never be severed, no matter how wide the circle grows.

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You may wish to continue this exercise and practice it with those with whom you are less acquainted with, for instance, work colleagues.? It is not necessary to maintain an intense connection with those around you, but instead to simply allow a connection to develop and grow naturally between you.? Once allowed to develop naturally, the connection will strengthen of its own accord.

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3. 

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?? The third exercise involves increased awareness of Self.? You have all likely heard that in order to love others, you must first love yourselves.? We would not put it in such stark terms.? However, loving yourself is the SAME as loving others.? There is no difference.? Love is Love.?

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Visualize yourself, then, high up on a remote, rocky mountaintop.? Your friend the sun is gently warming your face.? Your awareness extends to the circle you made in the second exercise, however it is far, far away, and you are simply alone.? You sense the grandeur of your surroundings, yet, at the same time, you are aware of the perfection that exists within the rhythmic being of your own heart.? And it is this sound that now lulls you to sleep at night.? On this mountaintop, you are aware of the rhythmic ebb and flow of the tides of the movement of clouds across the atmosphere of the ever present circling of the seasons as they occur around you.? On this mountaintop, you experience time both very quickly and very slowly at the same time.? Allow then, your awareness to build towards the circle you made, and toward the source of the sun at the same time.? Moving in both directions causes your own inner source, your heart, to grow as well.? You are now aware that your entire existence can reside within the vastness of your own heart.? This gives you a tremendous sense of peace and gratitude for the perfection that is you.