Comments on: The essence of compassion part 2 http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/ A Journey to Wholeness This feed is channeling based. It relates to metaphysical subjects about the nature of Love and living your life from a place of joy. It encompasses personal growth and self-help, but tries to be universal as well, encompassing non-dogmatic spirituality, community, and even some emphasis on putting positive change to the world. See http://www.loving-awareness.org for more information. Sat, 20 Feb 2010 03:19:54 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-331 Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker Sun, 20 Jan 2008 19:36:11 +0000 http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/#comment-331 Matthew, I linked my newest article called Blame Keeps You Stuck---Incest May Be A Part Of My Life Series---Part 7 to this article. My article is found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/01/blame-keeps-you-stuck-incest-may-be.html Thanks for the inspiration. Matthew, I linked my newest article called Blame Keeps You Stuck—Incest May Be A Part Of My Life Series—Part 7 to this article. My article is found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/01/blame-keeps-you-stuck-incest-may-be.html
Thanks for the inspiration.

]]> By: matthew http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-317 matthew Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:52:33 +0000 http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/#comment-317 Thank you Patricia! <br>  <br /> There's been channeling on saying that many abusers are simply so scared of intimacy and have such extreme lack of trust that they find the only way they can express that need is through someone helpless who is not threatening. There's definitely a power aspect in that - protection against intimacy through abuse of power. This happens between adults too. Thank you Patricia!

 
There’s been channeling on saying that many abusers are simply so scared of intimacy and have such extreme lack of trust that they find the only way they can express that need is through someone helpless who is not threatening. There’s definitely a power aspect in that – protection against intimacy through abuse of power. This happens between adults too.

]]> By: Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-316 Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker Thu, 17 Jan 2008 16:46:20 +0000 http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/#comment-316 My dad never admitted that he did anything wrong to anybody at anytime in his life. Compassion is not saying that what was done to me is right or ok. For me, it was looking at my dad and his life and seeing what made him the way he was. It was seeing him for the lonely, scared, rageful,abused child that he was. When I was 11 years old, I was more mature than my dad and I knew that I had become the adult and him the child. It means feeling sad for him for the life that he chose for himself. Sexual abuse is mostly about power over another person. He was so frightened that he had to commit a sexual act with a child, someone smaller and defenseless in order to feel powerful. How sad that is to me. The compassion for myself was there too in that I didn't allow him back into my life or the lives of my two children. My dad never admitted that he did anything wrong to anybody at anytime in his life. Compassion is not saying that what was done to me is right or ok. For me, it was looking at my dad and his life and seeing what made him the way he was. It was seeing him for the lonely, scared, rageful,abused child that he was. When I was 11 years old, I was more mature than my dad and I knew that I had become the adult and him the child. It means feeling sad for him for the life that he chose for himself. Sexual abuse is mostly about power over another person. He was so frightened that he had to commit a sexual act with a child, someone smaller and defenseless in order to feel powerful. How sad that is to me. The compassion for myself was there too in that I didn’t allow him back into my life or the lives of my two children.

]]> By: matthew http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-315 matthew Thu, 17 Jan 2008 16:27:52 +0000 http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/#comment-315 Yes, I know that abusers do this. Mine did. When I say "compassion" I don't mean an attitude that makes any excuses for actions done. The reality is that their actions brought on trauma and affected lives in a deep, unavoidable way. Compassion in this case doesn't mean not being firm, but rather doing what's best. If there's no real possibility for positive change on the abuser - and this is the majority here - then it makes sense to take actions to make sure they won't recommit. But it's best if this is done out of compassion rather than punishment. <br> <br> I've also seen survivors who get so caught in naming the abuser and punishing them that they identify this with healing. Getting past all denial of the past that occurs is a very important step, and speaking out can be part of that. Doesn't always have to be, but often it's good. Healing, in my view, has nothing to do with punishment. Most molested people are in a continual state of self-punishment, it's good to get out of that world entirely. <br> <br> Yes, I know that abusers do this. Mine did. When I say “compassion” I don’t mean an attitude that makes any excuses for actions done. The reality is that their actions brought on trauma and affected lives in a deep, unavoidable way. Compassion in this case doesn’t mean not being firm, but rather doing what’s best. If there’s no real possibility for positive change on the abuser – and this is the majority here – then it makes sense to take actions to make sure they won’t recommit. But it’s best if this is done out of compassion rather than punishment.

 
I’ve also seen survivors who get so caught in naming the abuser and punishing them that they identify this with healing. Getting past all denial of the past that occurs is a very important step, and speaking out can be part of that. Doesn’t always have to be, but often it’s good. Healing, in my view, has nothing to do with punishment. Most molested people are in a continual state of self-punishment, it’s good to get out of that world entirely.

 

]]> By: Barbara http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-314 Barbara Thu, 17 Jan 2008 14:38:22 +0000 http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/#comment-314 Matthew - fine to say but abusers deny the abuse and blame-shift to the victim.<br> <br> Only 2% really change and acknowledge. And I am sorry but after working with many abused & abusers, these people don't want compassion - they want a free pass to continue their behavior with impugnity. <a href="http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/01/narcissist-sympathizers.html" rel="nofollow">See here</a> <br> <br>Then the public turns on the abused telling them to keep quiet about the pain - which internalizes & amplifies it for the abused and just causes more PTSD & other trauma.<br> <br> Don't get me wrong, I don't believe in hate - I believe in understanding, compassion and turning away hate - but with the majority of these abusers, that isn't possible because they won't allow it. Any talk of change is mere lip service so they can buy some time to go right back to what they are doing.<br> <br> It is better to support the victim in speaking out, naming the abuse and the abuser and starting to heal.<br> <br> Matthew – fine to say but abusers deny the abuse and blame-shift to the victim.
 
Only 2% really change and acknowledge. And I am sorry but after working with many abused & abusers, these people don’t want compassion – they want a free pass to continue their behavior with impugnity. See here

 
Then the public turns on the abused telling them to keep quiet about the pain – which internalizes & amplifies it for the abused and just causes more PTSD & other trauma.
 
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe in hate – I believe in understanding, compassion and turning away hate – but with the majority of these abusers, that isn’t possible because they won’t allow it. Any talk of change is mere lip service so they can buy some time to go right back to what they are doing.
 
It is better to support the victim in speaking out, naming the abuse and the abuser and starting to heal.
 

]]> By: matthew http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-313 matthew Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:29:36 +0000 http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/#comment-313 If abusers do so, who will give them compassion? We live in a society filled with the need for scapegoats. At first it's scapegoating the victim because society cannot accept the trauma. Then it's scapegoating the abuser once the abuse is accepted. It's still blame and punishment, and this doesn't do much to bring a truly compassionate society. <br> <br> That's not to say that abuse is in any way "right" or "understandable", but without the attitude of compassion in society, there's no room to speak out about it. This even goes to abusers - if there's no where to talk about their own pain, there's more chance of it coming out in abusive manners. Compassion applies to all sides.<br> <br> If abusers do so, who will give them compassion? We live in a society filled with the need for scapegoats. At first it’s scapegoating the victim because society cannot accept the trauma. Then it’s scapegoating the abuser once the abuse is accepted. It’s still blame and punishment, and this doesn’t do much to bring a truly compassionate society.

 
That’s not to say that abuse is in any way “right” or “understandable”, but without the attitude of compassion in society, there’s no room to speak out about it. This even goes to abusers – if there’s no where to talk about their own pain, there’s more chance of it coming out in abusive manners. Compassion applies to all sides.
 

]]> By: Barbara http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-312 Barbara Thu, 17 Jan 2008 03:57:51 +0000 http://www.loving-awareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/#comment-312 This is so true. I have been the victim of various types of abuse & emotional rape my whole life (starting with a pathological mother) which is what lead me to do abuse victim's support.<br> <br> However, even today - my abusers, some who have been confronted legally - refuse to acknowledge any wrongdoing on their part. They not only minimize but mock me and slander me. Currently I am dealing with one who (stupidly) posted a threat of physical harm against me online (it was removed, thank goodness) because I won't keep silent about it. <br> <br> Abusers have an opportunity to get help, heal themselves and their victims by embracing accountability - sadly, very very few will do so. Choosing to escalate the abuse in efforts to silence their victims.<br> <br> Lack of compassion - lack of empathy - all signs of pathology.<br> <br> This is so true. I have been the victim of various types of abuse & emotional rape my whole life (starting with a pathological mother) which is what lead me to do abuse victim’s support.
 
However, even today – my abusers, some who have been confronted legally – refuse to acknowledge any wrongdoing on their part. They not only minimize but mock me and slander me. Currently I am dealing with one who (stupidly) posted a threat of physical harm against me online (it was removed, thank goodness) because I won’t keep silent about it.
 
Abusers have an opportunity to get help, heal themselves and their victims by embracing accountability – sadly, very very few will do so. Choosing to escalate the abuse in efforts to silence their victims.
 
Lack of compassion – lack of empathy – all signs of pathology.
 

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